Sorry to all that read, this is a long one. I have posted in relationship but now my mental health is really suffering.
For context. I'm 45, ex 47, 3 children (24, 20, and 12)
5 weeks ago my partner of 27 years came home, said I'm not in love with you anymore and pretty much left all within 20 mins. First week was tough. Arguments ensued over why he couldn't or wouldn't give me a reason to why he left.
2nd week we started talking about where things had gone wrong. 15 years ago I left him, I'd had enough of his attitude towards me and our then 2 young DDs. We where split for 6 months and returned to living together and starting afresh. I didn't know until now that he never got over it and he says he felt more like a habit than a soul mate. We talked about how we now have had nothing in common over the last 2+ years other than our love for our 3 DC. We had just got caught up with other things and put our love for one another on the back burner so to speak.
By week 3 we where amicable, talking and being reasonable with one another.
He said he needed space and respected that, even though he'd text and call every day or pop in to see our DS (our 2 eldest (girls) have moved out)
During this week we'd had long long chats about how we move forward with things. He's just started a new job, he's getting a place of his own. Into week 4 we agreed that we would take things very very slow, try to find that spark that we once had, that desire for one another. He and I knew this was not going to fixed in 5 weeks nor 5 months. I'd said I didn't want him moving back in and that it would be a good idea to get his own place, so supported him with that.
Fast forward to day before yesterday. My daughter messages me at 11.30pm to tell me that my sister has informed her that he had cheated on me a few weeks before we split (my sister and I aren't talking at the minute as I didn't believe her, I will be eating humble pie and apologising) so yesterday I called him to see if this was true. Turns out he was,althpugh he denied it initially and swore on our kids lives. he'd been messaging women for years and god knows how many he'd met up with. I am absolutely distraught.
He's been messaging me today via email as he's blocked everyone, me, his brother his friends even our 2 oldest daughters. I've told I can't forgive him for this and cannot ever think about reconciliation because of all these lies. I've told him we are done, this relationship is over but now he's acting like he's pissed that I'm ending the relationship. Being very bitter and attacking my family and myself. He even said, I told you the truth, I could of just carried on trying with and not told you!!! In the end he is the one who said, I'm not in love withyou anymore, he is the one that left, he is the one that cheated so why is he being like this now. My emotions have just been up and down, up and down for weeks now. I've lost almost a stone and a half, I can't eat properly, everything tastes bland or makes me gag. I'm just so broken and so messed up. I've never had dark thoughts but these last few weeks I've wanted to go to bed and not wake up. Why does he make me feel like this. I'm sorry to go on but I just needed to get this out. I don't have a large friend group because my friends are his friends and vice versa. I've never felt so alone right now.