My life is pretty stressful. DC with SEN. Ended my relationship with their father several years ago due to DV. They visit EOW now, and youngest is showing some significant behaviour issues at school, possibly insecure attachment or even SEN himself, that is a difficult situation. I have a very understanding manager, and a flexible job which allows me to work from home to support my DC if required.
Objectively, I also have lots of positives, I have rebuilt my life including a loving relationship, a solid career, and safety and stability for my family.
But I feel empty about the good things, and overwhelmed by the challenges. I'm not at risk of harming myself, unless you count emotional eating, but I feel like I'm teetering on the brink. If I didn't have significant responsibilities, I would run away. But if I didn't have these issues I wouldn't feel overwhelmed. I've recently started therapy (self funded) but I'm not sure really. My mood swings from hopeful to bleak very quickly, I cry a lot. I know I need to be there for my family but it all feels robotic. I do it because I know I should, not out of genuine feeling. I don't feel proud of work accomplishments, either. I'm just nothing. Hence my name.
If I could change some of the stressors in my life I'm pretty sure I'd feel better. I can't though. So what's the point of pills? My day to day isn't going to become different. 😑