I'm scaring myself

[IAmBreathing]

I'm going through a breakup with my husband. He left out of the blue a month ago and it's been a really hard time. I've tried to accept it's over, but he hasn't been very clear and there have been glimmers of hope.

We met for a walk last night and although he was kind and sorry it felt clear from his words and actions that he doesn't want to try to make it work.

For context He doesn't love me anymore, it's been coming for a while and he regrets not saying anything sooner.

I feel so so low this morning that I am scared. I have thoughts that I can't deal with all this, that it's too much, that if would be easier to not be here, I don't have what it takes to make it to the other side. I am scaring myself so managed to go on an early walk with a friend and am going to help another friend with her work and then will have to begin my own work 11-3 but I am really worried about making a rash decision that I can't come back from.

I don't want to scare my friends, or cause a drama. Do I need to tell them I don't feel safe or just hang on and wait for it to pass?

Hi

Please please reach out to someone trusted who you know IRL. I understand just how scary these thoughts can be and as someone who has survived 2 attempts, I can say with all my heart I hope you reach out before you do make a rash decision that you later regret.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to somebody IRL, there's other things you can do also. You could give Samaritan's a call, they're really good :) also in my area there's a 24/7 helpline for mental health, they can point you in the right direction for support and if you feel super unsafe and feel like you may act on the thoughts, please present yourself to your local A&E and ask to speak to the mental health team there.

You have so many reasons to live!! And although your going through a difficult time right now please believe me when I say it won't feel like this forever and things can and will get better!

Much love!

Thank you @Bec199923 for your kind reply. I know must not do anything rash and this will pass, but I'm scared by the thoughts and their intensity and for if they get worse.

I don't want to cause a drama or upset my friends though.

It's not causing drama chick! I'm sure your friends would rather listen to what you have to say now than attend your funeral! Your not a burden and you should not have to deal with these thoughts on your own. You deserve support. Please do reach out especially if the thoughts are intense!

Much love

Op love

there will be OW. Soon your anger will hit. For now, just take it hour by hour. And spend as much time with loved ones, friends and family, as possible.

do you have children?

@TuesandThursNero maybe you're right. I don't mind either way atm. I'm just trying to hang on for today.

Yes, absolutely tell your friends.

And yes, this will be very intense and hard.

He is guaranteed fucking someone else.

But you are better than that and you will be ok. You will be fine. It will be hard for a while. It will pass.

Speak to your friends. That's why we have friends. They want you. You're not a bother or a burden, I imagine they think you're brilliant.

Much love OP.

You are going to be ok.

OP I'm worried for you. Please let us know through the day how your doing? If you don't feel comfortable speaking to friends, at very least don't be alone- they don't need to know why! Take it hour by hour. First make it to half 9- then focus on half 10.

Things will get better!

Much love

There was a really interesting episode of diary of a CEO on YouTube where Stephen Bartlett interviewed Ronan Kemp. Ronan had a very good friend who committed suicide. He said that he knew if his friend was around now he would say he didn't know what the hell he was thinking when he killed himself. It's worth thinking of five years time. You will look back on this thing and wonder how the hell you felt so bad about such a complete and utter twat.

I recall your other thread… you have a 16 year old son from previous relationship.

what was his relationship like with him?

It's always difficult going through a break up. Open up to friends and use them for support. They will want to help you just like you help them.

It's ok to go through lots of different emotions at this time. Start to think about the practical things that you will need to do due to the separation and start making plans to do these. This will give you something to focus on.

Keep busy with friends.

Good luck and we are all here for you 💐

Thank you.

I'm not going to listen to how hopeless I feel I I can help it.

I'll pop back to let you know that I am ok. Thank you for caring about a stranger on the Internet.

If this was a friend of yours writing this, what would you say to them? I imagine you would encourage them to talk to you or another friend.

It’s easy for someone anonymous to say this to you but you will get through this but you must rely on your friends and family right now.

Please know it will get better, one hour at a time, please speak to someone, you are cared about, please take care x

Hi I am in exactly the same situation and we have been broken up 4 months the thoughts can be so scary. I am really struggling to escape it all but I have a history of mental health. I am waiting for counselling

How you feeling OP?

Much love

Hello IAmBreathing, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when any of our users feel this way we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links which could be helpful;
NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon
Very best wishes from MNHQ.

Thinking of you OP