I'm struggling, really struggling.
I've had mental health problems since childhood, but the past few years have been pretty stable.
Until the past few weeks. I had a week long manic episode and drove myself into the ground physically and mentally, but at the time i felt on top of the world, I got so much done!
Until the slightest thing knocked me off, I've gone into some sort of anxious delusional state, I'm convinced everyone hates me.
I've become short tempered with my kids, I made my 6yr old cry last night and I feel like the worst person on the planet.
Granted, he deserved to be told off but I think it must've been the way I was looking at him when telling him...I caught the look on my face in the mirror and I didn't even look like myself 😥 I looked evil and twisted.
Life has been very stressful lately, I don't have much support and the Dr's aren't much help...I just get offered anti depressants (I'm not depressed in general)
I feel my sanity slipping away from me, I caught myself ranting out loud to myself walking down the street (usually I do it silently) I've become so aware of how unwell I am.
My kids deserve better, I feel like a monster. I want to scream and cry and smash everything. But I also want to run and hide away from everyone.