To want to give up

[HolyGuacamole28]

I’m an older married mum of two lovely kids, aged 1 and 3. I work full time in a stressful job, with a long commute once a week, rest wfh. I should love my life (and I am grateful) but I’m so beaten down by it all. Trying to be successful at everything and compete in the workplace whilst managing the house chores and the bills (inc high mortgage and nursery fees) is exhausting. My DH works long hours but I’m the higher earner. So much pressure. I know it’s not unique but sometimes I just want to end it all and rest. Am I a selfish cow?

I think you need to see your gp. Two young kids and a busy job is exhausting and stressful, but your kids need you and it will get easier. In the meantime talk to your gp, get some therapy and medication (if needed), and outsource as much as you can afford to. All the best.

Get a new job. The pressure of it is grinding you down.

You can’t have it all, something has to give, and more often than not it’s the woman/mum.
The kids will get older and more self sufficient, so just hang In there. Out source as much as you can, so get shopping delivered, get a cleaner etc.

OP, I think you need real help, for your GP, or a local well-being service. Please talk to someone about how you are feeling, call the Samaritans, they are there to listen, no matter what you to talk about.

You're not a selfish cow, just very tired. How can you lighten your load a bit?

With children ages 1 and 3, that sounds incredibly tough.

You are most definitely not a selfish cow. Might it be possible to take a year's sabbatical leave?

OP I have two the same age and sometimes feel ground down by the Groundhog Day of it all, along with the feeling that it’ll never end.

My job is very boring but gives me massive flexibility which I can use to have some fleeting me time now and then.

Agree with @DustyLee123 to outsource.

Please get some MH help, go see your GP and get some time off.

You’re not selfish, you’re worn out

I feel the same and at times during the weekend all I want to do is be lazy and rest but there isn't time as I have two small children who need my attention.

Sorry but I don't know the answer either.

Something my partner and I are considering is for him to take a career break. We both currently work full time with a 2 and 5 year old and it's brutal.

First of all.... Do you actually NEED to be successful at everything and to compete in the workplace? I get that sometimes it is necessary but is it necessary for you? If not - then why not take a little step back for a little while. Do what you need to do to do a good job, but don't do the extra. Work/life balance is tricky enough without making it harder for yourself. If it really is necessary then you need to try to compartmentalise so that you keep the two parts of your life separate and work out what is actually realistic for you to do at home and where you need extra help. And then get that extra help, from your husband, nursery, paid help for cleaning etc. And it is definitely allowed for you to set aside time for yourself to recharge, get your hair done, read a book or whatever - even if that means you need to pay for an additional nursery session or some babysitting.
It can be really difficult to let go of what we think we ought to be doing - but taking a step back to take stock and to work out what is actually necessary is a first step.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We're going to move thread over to our Mental Health topic now.

No you are not selfish.
Its hard juggling everything and trying to find joy within the days you are off work. With young children as well its a juggle although rewarding too.
Do you need change? And if you do, what would that look like to you?
There are so many demands on us daily it is understandable that we buckle, its normal.

PS, been where you are. Its a hard place to be in alone. My GP was amasing. She heard me out. Then made sure there was a follow up, just to chat. I didn't go on antidepressants. But I did get myself therapy, just so that I could vent, talk about the changes I needed to make in order to survive. For me I needed to go back to basics, scale back majorly, but I am a middle aged woman with adult children, and alone. But I understand.

Thank you to everyone who responded. Means a lot.

Been thinking of you today OP. Feeling overwhelmed with my two today.

Hope you’re feeling better or have a plan forward to ease some pressure on yourself x