Breakdown after breakup

[mentalhealthtrouble]

My boyfriend left me 4 months ago after 2 years we have had no contact since but I am deeply in love with him he is now posting pictures of the girl he cheated on me with happy without a care in the world.
I have a history of mental health and I am not coping at all to the point i feel like I have had a full on breakdown
I am having scary suicidal thoughts and I am absolutely terrified i will never get better because it's already been 4 months
All I do is obsess over every conversation and what I did wrong & replay their pictures in my head
I was already on antidepressants which have saved my life in the past I have tried changing them and upping them but nothing is helping
I am on a waiting list for counselling but because it's due to a breakup I feel like no iis taking me serious
I have never felt so low and I have a child to support so taking my life is not an option but I just want a way out of this never ending pain

Im so sorry . I just wanted to send you a hug, lovely xxx

Hi there @mentalhealthtrouble What about telling yourself you did nothing wrong? You don't deserve to be going through this anguish. 4 months isn't that long but people get over these things in their own time. It's good that you are seeking counselling. There has always been a long wait for this kind of help. In the meantime, there are lovely people here who will listen and offer support.

The same thing happened to my niece. She was devastated but we kept reminding her that he wasn't who she thought he was, that he wasn't worth her heartache. She came to see she'd had a lucky escape and was better off being on her own (with her young ds) than being with him and that he would have cheated eventually but it was better now than before she married him. He is certainly not worth losing your life over, you are worth far more than that. My dn did eventually meet someone else and has found happiness again, which I'm sure you will too.

Thank you for responding to me I really appreciate it. I just pray that it gets easier 4 months with this constant pain has broken me.
Along with discovering photos of his new life weekends away. it's hard to believe someone who loved you on new years ever is now in love with someone else & publicly writing it.
The hardest bit is the shock I thought we were all so happy
My mental health history clearly hasn't helped as I have sunk to my darkest thoughts
I just pray I can get through this.

Block him so you don't see the photos.
You loved who you thought he was, not who he actually is.
You almost certainly haven't done anything wrong. He wasn't right for you.

Blocking him is good advice. Being reminded of him or tempted to look at his socials is going to be tough on you.

Thank you I have blocked him I need to get better for my child so I won't look again as it literally floored me that he could do that to me so soon

You can get through this. If it helps, focus on what is really important like taking care/being with your child and maybe your job. Make time to do things that give you joy and definitely be kind to yourself. Don't worry if you have an off day, that's normal and something you can deal with.

Thank you, yes I am trying really hard to focus on my child.
The added thing is work, me him and his new gf work together. To add to my humiliation.
I work from home so I don't have to see them but me & him would chat all day on Skype during the working day and now I just obsess he is doing this with her constantly checking when they are online
I feel like I can't escape it

I guess it's the kind of job where you could chat all day then. Do you have friends and family you could chat to as that could help with some distraction.