Does it ever get better

[thesilentonex]

I've been suffering mentally for the past 8 years there are times where I feel on track again and there are times where I feel so so low. The lows ALWAYS return even when I'm good I know it won't last long. I'm a very sensitive, emotional person with many triggers. The problem is I've never ever opened up about my pain to absolutely anyone I'm to afraid. It's still and I think always will be an extremely painful and traumatic subject for me. It took me a hell of a lot to even write this post as it digs back up sooo much trauma. I have two beautiful children who keep me going most of the time but I'm so damaged deep down I don't think my life will ever really be normal again. I don't have friends I'm scared of socialising. And my family are very bitchy and gossipy witch I absolutely hate. I have a great partner but we are totally different people he loves going out and talking to new people I couldn't be any different. I'm frightened of the world I'm scared of everything and everyone I don't fully trust anybody. I stupidly just stopped my sertraline because i was doing so mych better and here we are again.. I want to be okay soooo bad but my own thoughts and my own mind ruin it for me every single time.

Have you tried therapy?
Why did you stop the sertraline?

I physically cannot get myself to talk about what happened to me back then, I'm to afraid I feel like I've came 8 years I really don't want to do it all again

I stopped the meds because I'm 33 weeks pregnant and was thinking in my baby's best interest. I coped fine for a month but I can feel myself slipping again.

@thesilentonex it sounds like you have been through a lot of trauma and you sound like an incredibly strong person. I too have dealt with so many of the same things as you and totally understand about feeling frightened of the world. Would you ever consider speaking to a therapist about how you feel? It's always totally confidential and may help to get some things off your mind. I wish I could offer more words of comfort but just wanted to let you know that I relate to so much of what you wrote ❤

This issue came up recently on a CPD training session on working with trauma - whether it's necessary for someone to talk about their trauma before they can deal with it. The consensus was that it's entirely up to the individual - some people need to explain in great detail what happened and some, like you, are unable to even mention it.

What matters is that it's affecting your life every day and that needs to change for your health and your future happiness.

Please know that your mind and your thoughts are not trying to hurt you or ruin your life - they are trying to protect you from suffering from the same event in the future. When something happens that's either random, unfathomable or that the other people involved can't - or won't - provide the necessary answers, the mind still tries to resolve it by rerunning the event from every conceivable angle to try and figure out what happened, simply so that it knows how to avoid it happening again - and to keep you safe.

If this makes sense to you please consider remedial hypnosis. You don't have to give any information because you already know what the issue is and that's all thats necessary.