Partners OCD and repeated reassurances

[OCD3]

My partner has OCD and anxiety. Specifically relating to checking they have done something right/thoroughly/made the right decision. They doubt everything they do.

Every day there are new things which worry them - doors locked, oven turned off, confirms time they are going to work, day off in the week (check the rota again and again), check that a text message was ok to send, wasn’t rude etc.

I’m struggling with the constant reassurance/answer i need to provide about 30 times per day. I get phonecalls every day while i’m at work.

Sometimes they ask me a question 5 times, i give an answer/reassure 5 times and then they still check with me. E.g ‘bla bla bla happened at work. That’s ok isn’t it? Are you sure its ok? Did I definitely do it correctly? Are you sure?

I always try to remain empathetic and reassure/help them see that its ok but there have been times where I have needed to say ‘look, i have already said this. Yes XYZ is ok, you have nothing to worry about’.

When i have said that (1 in every 15 times i need to offer reassurance), they make me feel guilty by saying oh you don’t understand, you haven’t reassured me etc.

What can i do to help? Is continuing this routine really the best way to deal with OCD/Anxiety? I know how debilitating it is to have but equally I’m struggling to deal with it too. Any ideas or experiences from others who have OCD / Anxiety like this?

Hi no experience but does your partner see a therapist? If they go to the GP they may be offered cognitive behavioural therapy. Or seek a private therapist. It might be a starting point. The other option is you seek a therapist yourself or as a couple to try and help understand each other or more you to help understand their behaviour. Must be really hard for you both. I doubt they will ever be "cured" as such but it might help lessen the intensity of the OCD

Reassuring is actually feeding the anxiety/OCD. It's a really tough one and I'm not qualified to give an answer of how to improve it, but by its nature the more you reassure, the more they will seek reassurance. Generally I think they are encouraged to find behaviours that might help them help themselves rather than seeking external reassurance.

Is he having any therapy? You will need to stop the reassurances but I would only do that if he is having therapy preferably exposure response prevention (ERP) which is a type of cbt therapy. I recommend also a book called break free from ocd by Fiona challacoombe. I know it’s really tough but he can get better and support of a loved one makes all the difference. If he is constantly seeking reassurance another way for you to respond it to soothe but not reassure. So something happened at work - you respond with that sounds tricky, would you like a hug etc without delving into the intrusive thought I had to learn to do that and it really helped. The intrusive thoughts have more power if they attach meaning to them so they have to learn not to respond to the compulsions which is really tough but can be done with the right professional support and sometimes medication as well . 💐

@Hellsbells89 thanks for your reply. Yes, high intensity CBT was done for 12 weeks on the NHS but then they were discharged. A certain amount of time needs to pass before qualifying for more NHS funded treatment. I’ll look into the option of private therapy!