How do you stop yourself wanting to end things when you're humiliated?

[Whisperingvoice]

This has happened before and my instinct is that I want to hurt myself badly because I know I've got things wrong. Nobody in my life would have an inkling that this is how I'm feeling.

I've been exercising, keeping busy with work and putting music on to distract myself but I can't escape that feeling. What do you do if you ever feel the same, after embarrassment and humiliation?

Yes, I recognise that feeling, thisis. Feeling like I've let myself and my family down. And I have - it would have been a brilliant opportunity for my daughter, and the three of us could have been at the same school, which my son has begged me to try to make happen.
I'm kicking myself too.

My issue is around feelings of shame, harking back to an eating disorder in my teens which had a catastrophic effect on my life from 15-23....It was 20 years ago and I'm angry at myself that I'm still that person, at times

When do you think it will be OK to look back at that period, that person, and realise that it was who you were then, not who you are today? When will you forgive your younger self and make peace with her? Would you treat your own daughter with compassion and love if she was in the same horrible place? If so, do the same to yourself. Please.

Thank you, Eyesopen. You're right - I'd be more compassionate to my daughter than I can be to myself. I don't expect other people would be able to understand though, as even though these days we support kids with eating disorders, it sounds a bit pathetic talking about how it affected me as a teen in the nineties. And people are likely to think I'd be unreliable and plagued by mental health issues in my work, which isn't the case. So I can't countenance mentioning it.

I really appreciate your kind thoughts and words.

You're welcome. You really don't have to suffer like this any more - please have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis.

I will do. It sounds interesting. Thank you

Listen to women's hour bbcr4 today if you can

Wonderful segment on words to repeat and hold close to ourselves when life gets tough

I think you need clinical help.

Have you spoken to your GP about this?

There is NHS help for these intrusive thoughts.

It won't stop until it's treated.