Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Dissociation identity disorder - need advice

13 replies

millymoo1202 · 01/05/2023 22:34

I’ve recently started to see someone, he told me on date no 3 that he has DiD, his words were you can run now! He’s been very open about it as had a breakdown and has been in therapy. His marriage broke down because of this, pre therapy. He suffered major abuse in his childhood , I really want to support him as he’s going through a rough patch just now. Can anyone point me in the right direction for information, I’ve obviously googled and we’ve spoken about it as understandably it’s a new relationship and he can’t fully open up. I really like him and want to be able to understand this, thanks all

OP posts:
footpedal · 01/05/2023 22:36

Look at Carolyn spring. She has info and blogs about DID and its origins.

definitely complicated but when you understand why someone has become so dissociative the whole thing makes sense.

footpedal · 01/05/2023 22:38

www.carolynspring.com/blog/what-are-the-hardest-things-about-everyday-life-with-dissociative-identity-disorder/

Her stuff is focused on trauma but she has did due to major abuse also...

readbooksdrinktea · 01/05/2023 22:38

I would suggest looking up Infinity System on YouTube. 50-something male with DID and diagnosed a few years ago. Informative videos. Heed TW. They're not there for fun.

Original poster
millymoo1202 · 01/05/2023 22:44

I’ve looked at Carolyn Sprig but will re read, it sounds like we can’t fix this but can manage it. The thing that worries me is that there is no medications etc to help, unless there’s depression etc but I think he self medicates with alcohol.

OP posts:
coffeeisthebest · 02/05/2023 12:38

He self medicates with alcohol? This would concern me. What active steps does he take in every day life to manage this? How is he proactively taking back control of his life? How does he normally support himself through a rough patch? Find out what systems he has in place to support himself before you commit yourself OP. He told you to run, and I am assuming you heard that as a joke, but this one might not be a keeper.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 02/05/2023 12:40

I think when a relationship starts out with you as the fixer, that's bad news. It won't be fun trying to fix or manage someone that doesn't have a good handle on their own disorder and self-medicates with alcohol. I would not feel bad for a second walking away from that person. Obviously if he improves/stops drinking, you keep in touch, that's different but this has all the signs of being a deeply problematic relationship, not least you are already acting as his carer, searching for info, trying to help him, it's not going to be equal.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 02/05/2023 12:42

By saying 'run', he's not really saying 'run', by the way, he's challenging you to help him which being a kind nice carer type of person you immediately rise to the challenge. If he genuinely was concerned for your welfare he wouldn't be trying to get you on board so early on when he's drinking, he'd be saying let's stay friends for a bit, I have a lot of issues, it's not your job to fix me, although I do love spending time with you.

BertieBotts · 02/05/2023 12:47

DID is a real disorder, but it's supposed to be incredibly rare. I would honestly be wary, not because it makes him any less of a person but because he's either been through something really horrific, which will come with baggage that he may not have fully worked through, or he is a fantasist. There are known cases of people claiming to have this when they don't have any such thing.

Self medicating with alcohol and a previous marriage breaking up because of the disorder are also red flags. Do you have children?

It's also concerning that you say "we" can't fix this - if you have ANY proclivity towards "fixing" anyone or codependency at all then you are at high risk of biting off way more than you can chew here. It's date three. You are not responsible to fix anything. This has the chance of getting really enmeshed and unhealthy.

Original poster
millymoo1202 · 02/05/2023 17:11

Sorry I didn’t mean I’m trying to fix him, he told me it’s not fixable. He’s had major therapy as an inpatient and manages it pretty well by the looks of it as not had an episode for over a year. He has been in touch with his therapist over the last few days. He’s definitely not a fantasist, I know what the trauma was and it’s probably the worst you can imagine, thanks for replies. I’m really wondering if anyone else had been in a relationship with someone who suffers from this

OP posts:
ily0xx · 02/05/2023 22:48

There are known cases of people claiming to have this when they don't have any such thing.

What on earth does this mean? That there have been people who have lied about having it? Surely that would be the case with all psychiatric disorders? What do you mean by this? And how do you prove someone is lying about having it?

Original poster
millymoo1202 · 03/05/2023 13:37

He definitely has this condition, I’ve been seeing him for a few months now it was on date 3 he told me as previous relationships he hadn’t said anything but since therapy he has been more open. He took a dip this weekend but is definitely a bit better. Thanks for all the replies

OP posts:
Throwncrumbs · 03/05/2023 13:39

Look up Leticia Stauch

New posts on this thread. Refresh page