How to make friendships and maintain them with BPD/EUPD?

[CutiePatooties]

I have zero friendships.

I’ve felt okay about this, until I started being pulled up on every single thing I said in the staffroom. Whenever I walk in, people go quiet. If I’ve been sat down and someone has entered a room, they talk and maintain eye contact with everyone around me, but blank me out.

I worried that this could be my paranoia, but I’ve logged onto Facebook and people who I have worked closely with before, are posting pics of them all going out in a group together, for meals/drinking etc. I’ve never been invited out with these people when they’ve worked with me.

I am due to only work for 2 days a week from September, so I can keep myself away from people and just accept I’m not likeable but I’m worried about where I’m at now - I have 7 weeks of working full time, feeling very isolated, being left out on invites to go places, having no one talk to me in the staffroom etc.

I can’t even relieve this with my friends outside of work. I am close to 2 people and 1 of them ONLY goes out with her family, never friends. She’s even been known to go to the cinema on her own instead of asking a friend to join - it’s like she’d rather have her own company 😂
the other friend started to tell me that her friend didn’t like me and so slowly but surely, has phased out of my life. I have a couple of friends who live miles away (I’m down the south and they’re up north).

I’m sorry if I’m ranting incoherently. I was up all of last night worrying about it all and I think I’ve woken up on the brink of an episode. I’ve deleted anyone from work off my social media pages and I’m seriously considering not going back to work.

You get pulled up on anything you say? By who? The only people who have the right to pull you on anything is your manager.

Office politics suck a lot, especially if there's a couple of dickhead in the mix.

It sounds as if you are saying you dont have social skills. But this can be learnt. YOu just need the right support learning. But in your current situation, it sounds like you are being bullied, and that is not acceptable, however poor your social skills are

Are you having or have you had DBT?

It's partly focused on helping people with BPD/EUPD with their "interpersonal effectiveness" and relationships in general.

DBT was a complete game changer for me, has really helped me become a happier person and enjoy life more.

@gamerchick I was moaning about having a rough day with a certain class and someone went to the Head and told them that I shouldn’t say I’ve had a bad day as some parents of children in my class work there.
There was one time where a TA was getting complaints about her from a member of staff with the same name as me and she decided to blank me, give evils, barge past me etc. So I approached her in the staffroom to say I’ve noticed she’s been a bit ‘off’ with me and that I wasn’t the person complaining about her. She then went to the deputy head, with her friend, saying I told her that everyone is complaining about her and that I said this in front of others in the staffroom. That’s not what I said at all, but because she brought this friend with her, the deputy head said ‘others heard you say this,’ when I denied it. Basically called me a liar.
there was another time I said I feel like I’m being pushed out at work and like management don’t want me there (I was talking to someone I thought was close to me and said it confidentially, just her and me in the room). Well turns out she wasn’t close to me and I read it all wrong - she marched straight to management and said I told her that they are trying to bully me out.
another time I mentioned that a parent told me I shouldn’t use timers in the classroom as other teachers have done away with that. Again, someone told tales to the deputy head, saying I shouldn’t be talking about how other teachers manage their class and shouldn’t discuss parental issues in the staffroom as it’s unprofessional.

fair enough, I shouldn’t have said any of that. But I’ve heard loads in that staffroom! Some moaning that the Head can’t do their job properly, how they’re getting the union involved for their PPA being taken away, some moaning about parents, some saying they’ve had a rough day, some talking about other teachers (like TAs saying their teacher did xyz today). So I stupidly thought I could come in and unload in the same way, but honestly they’ve been the only times I’ve spoken to ANYONE and I’ve been pulled into offices every time to have ‘a chat.’ I now sit in the staffroom in silence (no more chats with SLT as a result) and contemplating that if I do go back, I should sit in the classroom and eat lunch on my own (although I’d probably get told off for eating food in the classroom).

@Nimbostratus100 I’ll try and work on my social skills - thank you for the tip. I felt as if I may be being bullied, but put it down to me just overreacting and not being able to regulate emotions as well as others so I assumed I was being OTT.

@TheYear2000 I haven’t had any DBT, as I couldn’t find how to get that on the NHS and when I asked my mental health team for any private recommendations they didn’t send me any. I’ll try again - thank you so much for the advice.