Why don't I want to go back on the ADs???

[Justfedup]

I was on them for a while, years ago. They helped, I picked myself out of the hole and I haven't ever reached the stage of needing them again since.

Now I am at the stage of feeling that all of life is crap and just too fucking hard, and that it would be easier just to give up.

Yet I still don't want to go back on the pills. That would mean admitting that I can't manage life like any normal human being is capable of. Admitting that I am a shit mother, and wife and everything else.

I don't know what I want here, I know the replies I get will all tell me about chemical imbalances, to go and get help, that I would take medicine for diabetes.

I just need to offload I think.

If you know who I am, then please don't say, I just need to be unknown.

but you arent shit for needing ads. you wouldnt think that way about taking anti-biotics or any other medication.

I get that way, then make myself take ads for a while, then get back to normal and stop them.
It's probably just a blip..

You;re right, it is a blip.

Have done some big snotty crying over DH, and I am feeling much calmer. yet an hour ago a big handful of pills seemed appealing (in the thinking about the possibility kind of way, not the sitting holding them kind of way).

Something has to change. I have given myself the next 7 days to work on changing it by myself (which normally works). After that I will be at the doctors.