Need practical help with these issues but can’t afford therapy

[FeelingSad99]

I'm looking for some practical advice please. I have had a lot of therapy and have done a lot of work on myself to identify my issues. I had an abusive childhood and have made peace with that. I understand the origins of all of my issues, the barriers, the fears, etc. Now I would like some practical suggestions of how I can make significant changes in these areas. I really welcome thoughts and/or book recommendations. I can't afford any more therapy. Thanks.

1. I want to love my body. I want to accept that I'm a loveable person just as I am.
2. I want to be able to feel and express my emotions more effectively.
3. I want to get better at conveying my needs and standards in a relationship.
4. I want to feel more comfortable with healthy confrontation and be able to set boundaries (currently I only go for distant men who have no interest in crossing my boundaries but they come with disinterest).

I am very motivated to change but need some practical ideas of how to do so. Thank you.

Lovie, you don't need any books - it's all within you. Change those sentences to;

1. I want to love my body. I want to accept that I'm a loveable person just as I am.
2. I want to be am able to feel and express my emotions more effectively.
3. I want to get better can conveying my needs and standards in a relationship.
4. I want to feel more am comfortable with healthy confrontation and be able to can set boundaries.

Treat yourself as your absolute best friend and talk to yourself as you would do to her; bolster her up when she's feeling unsure of herself, tell her how wonderful she is, emphasis her best points when she's negative about herself and don't let her take any shit from anyone else - because you love her and care deeply about her.

Thank you. That’s lovely and your kindness made me cry.

But the truth is:

1. I’m overweight, probably obese, and people (men) generally don’t find that attractive. I’m invisible. I agree with them that it’s unattractive. My mother taught me this and I need to unlearn it. My recent guy actually passed me over for a much bigger woman and that has actually helped me a lot, in a strange way.
2. I can feel my emotions but I rarely express them because I wasn’t allowed to as a child and I have got into the habit of hiding them. But the problem is, they escape in other ways like emotional eating, which doesn’t help point 1.
3. I’m scared that if I ask a man to meet my needs or standards then he’ll walk away. I wasn’t allowed needs as a child. I had no role models for relationships. When I have asked for my needs, the man hasn’t met them. Every man I have dated/married has cheated on me.
4. I was terrified of my mother because she got very angry with me without good reason. I’m scared of confrontation. To avoid confrontation I pick avoidant men who aren’t interested in overstepping my boundaries. I’m scared to have a normal man (vs avoidant) who I have to have confrontations / boundary chats with.

I can try to pretend, fake it till I make it, etc. I have been aware that these are my issues for a while and I really want to resolve them.

OK. What I'm getting from your posts is that you've figured out, on a rational level, what your problems are and (rightly) that they stem from your childhood but that they are still impacting on your life on a subconscious level - in your emotions, your feelings and your behaviours and this is what you now what to deal with?

Yes, that’s right. I know what the issues are. I know what caused the problems. I know what my fears are, etc. I know all of this rationally. But I don’t know how to actually pull myself out of the trough that each of these problems has me trapped in.

Do I need to do affirmations, meditation, manifestation? Confront people from my past? Have time alone to feel everything? Connect with my inner child? Reparent myself? Go on an assertiveness course?

Because the solutions are so alien to me, I have no idea what to do.

Have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis, if it resonates with you please drop me a DM.