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Help to have more positive outlook

3 replies

dogandbonio · 25/04/2023 09:11

What's the best self help you've found?

I've always been quite a negative person (one of parents is too, wondering if it's genetic/learned) and have been treated for depression 20+ years ago.

Haven't been on ADs since, have tried to manage it myself. I do all the things we are advised to do - arrange to see friends/do nice things, get fresh air daily, walk, exercise, eat nutritious food.

I even manage to fake "being positive" a lot of the time, but I can't deny in my head it's just swimming with negative thoughts.

Objectively I have the ingredients for a good life - no money worries, dc doing well, in a long marriage which isn't great but I have no idea if it's my DH who really isn't right for me or if it's what's in my head that ruins a potentially good relationship, IYSWIM. We have common interests etc, can have a laugh etc but no intimacy (but then who would want to sleep with someone who's miserable?)

Have sought counselling recently through GP surgery and had assessment and they asked if I think I need relationship counselling or counselling for my low mood, and I honestly have no idea which is the root cause 🤷🏼‍♀️ I find fault all the time with my DH, there's a long list of things he does that annoy me but I don't know if it's me over reacting.

The counsellor asked what I want to achieve and basically I just want to focus on the positive things, let go of minor irritations, be happy go lucky! Is that possible? Or is it ingrained in some people to be bleak forever?!

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 25/04/2023 09:57

No, it's not ingrained - anything the mind can learn it can unlearn. You're right in saying that a negative upbringing can be a big influence on how you view yourself, other people and the world at large, because in the key first decade you believe everything you are told and/or absorb.

Have you considered CBT? A good practitioner will help you recognise and reframe negative automatic thoughts.

Here's a couple of articles which might help you better understand yourself;

https://positivepsychology.com/challenging-automatic-thoughts-positive-thoughts-worksheets/

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

Core beliefs and self acceptance | Better Relationships

Core beliefs are basic, underlying "truths" we hold that determine how we perceive ourselves and the world, so it's important to make sure they're positive.

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance

AtrociousCircumstance · 25/04/2023 10:00

Flood yourself with loads of audiobooks and podcasts which discuss positive outlook/resilience etc.

Rangan Chatterjee, Tom and Lisa Bilyeu (Impact Theory), Marisa Peer all discuss mindset, amongst many others.

dogandbonio · 25/04/2023 14:55

Thanks both, I will take a look at these.

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