Downward spiral - can't eat or sleep

[Bubbles254]

For the last 3 weeks I have been in a complete downward spiral. It started 3 weeks ago when I swallowed a vitamin pill and felt it got stuck in my throat. I then got nausea and diarreah for a day followed by reflux. The reflux got so bad I was put on acid surpressing medicine which made my tummy swell and gave me chest pains so last weekend I ended up in a&e.

Their verdict was that I should continue with the same medication so I went back to the gp. She said I should come off it for 2 weeks so she could do a h pyori bacteria test. So I am currently trying to manage the reflux without medication.

The problem is I am having difficulty swallowing, constant pain in my oesophagus, feeling food is getting stuck and that coupled with a limited acid free diet is giving me massive food anxiety. I can't sleep due to both anxiety and reflux and am losing weight rapidly. I now have zero appetite and no hunger signals and am so worried I now have an eating disorder.

I just don't know what to do. I started to take citopram 5mg for 4 days aiming to increase it but don't think I can deal with the short term side effects so I stopped it again. I lie in bed googling oesophageal cancer, I have a swollen lymph node on the back of my neck which is really worrying me too.

The gp wants me to wait 2 weeks for the h pylori test and referral to gastroenterology is long and I just don't know how I am going to cope especially with my current rate of weight loss and lack of sleep.

I can't work out if this is all in my head or something more serious.

You poor thing, I feel for you. This really has spiralled like your title says.
Have you spoken to the doctor about your mental health and in particular your anxiety? It sounds like the treatment you are receiving for the physical side of things is good but not so much the anxiety?
What were the side effects you encountered from the citalopram?
Have you tried drinking some kind of protein shake products to keep some weight on whilst you can't eat?

Not medically trained but you seem soooooo much in an overthinking mode. Can you find a Headspace app and try some meditation to calm your thinking. This may help calm your panic head. 💐

Thanks both. I don't think starting and stopping citopram has helped but I started to feel suicidal on it. Does anyone know how long it takes to get out of your system? I only took 5mg for 4 days.

@PamPamSpamMan a protein shake is a good idea. I have been driving myself mad on an acid reflux fb page where tgey have a small list of 'approved' food, I think that is making my anxiety worse.

@Paperdolly I have tried rhe balance meditation app but am finding that concentrating on my breathing is making me more anxious as it highlights my throat pain. I am new to medition though so maybe I am doing it wrong?

@Bubbles254 ignore the FB group approved food list. I have suffered from reflux for years and the foods that set me off are things that other people claim to help them.
Are you able to take something like gaviscon? You can get liquid form, but I would recommend the advanced or double action tablets. It says to chew them, but I actually suck on them (so you wouldn't need to swallow anything).
At this stage the reflux is probably being caused by the lack of food in your stomach. If you can manage some kind of shake, or something like Weetabix mashed into a lot of non-dairy milk (I would stay away from dairy until the reflux is better) that would be good. If not, please at least drink some sugary things like squash or have ice lollies and some jelly.
You could try Difflam spray on your throat to help with eating. I recently had a terrible case of tonsillitis and this really helped me to get some food down.
What were the side effects of the citopram? I am struggling to imagine what side effects could be worse than how you are feeling now. If you are keen to avoid pharmaceutical antidepressants you could try something like St Johns Wort. I used this for anxiety in the past and it worked. The downside is that you have to be able to swallow it and you can't take it alongside some other medications.
You can definitely get through this - well done for reaching out now x

Also, be ready. The first thing you manage to eat or drink will likely cause diarrhea etc. This is because your stomach is empty of food and full of acid. You have to persevere. It will get better. If you don't persevere you will not feel better.

@PamPamSpamMan Many thanks for your message and sorry to hear you have suffered for years with reflux, 3 weeks in I can't imagine feeling like this for yeara. I am questioning whether it is even reflux as the pain is when I eat rather than delayed so I think it is more linked to food going down the gullet. I am trying to reduce acid though to avoid irritating it more and having lots of gavicon liquid plus the tablets. I am mainly eating bananas but they still feel like they are getting stuck going down.

Would the diffran spray work further down rhe food pipe? My throat is ok, the main pain is chest level but more on my back than my front. Thanks again for your support.

Sorry, I don't think the diffram would help further down than the throat 😕
Have you been given anything/ any suggestions to manage the pain? I understand that you may not want to be dosed up on strong painkillers all the time but as a compromise maybe you could take them occasionally just to get some food down? Is the doctor aware that you haven't eaten in a long time? They can prescribe protein powders or shakes specifically designed for people who are losing weight because they are unable to eat.

Sorry to ask so many questions 🤦‍♀️
Did the vitamin pill just randomly get stuck or do they think your oesophagus was already swollen? If it just got stuck randomly a d has caused bruising/ swelling as a result this is an injury plain and simple. If you had a nasty bruise on your ankle you would take measures to rest it, you wouldn't wear certain shoes and you might take something to help the pain temporarily. If you would usually become anxious over a bruised ankle,the mental health and physical health are two separate issues and you need two separate plans to treat them.

Thanks for the questions, I appreciate the support. No the GP has not suggested painkillers. I am finding it hard to swallow pills so I have been having soluble paracetamol but this may be exasperating things, may be irritating oesophagus?

I think it was random. I swallowed 3, the first 2 went down ok and the 3rd one got stuck. Prior to having the pills I was doing some weights and thought I may have given myself a hiatus hernia but I then I wouldn't have been able to swallow rhe first 2 pills ok?

I think the difference is with a bruised ankle you can clearly see what is wrong but when it is inside you there is the worry that it might be something else, plus I get panicky about being unable to eat properly, loss of appetite and weight loss.

Sorry, the ankle comparison sounded insensitive. I was (clumsily) trying to work out if you have health anxiety around everything or if it was just this. I think you have answered that! It is just this scenario.
Unless there's a massive drip feed coming, it doesn't sound like you need anti-anxiety pills. I would think the citopram will be completely out of your system quite quickly as it was a small dose for just four days
Focus on the practical - you need to get some food in you and this will help you to feel better in the long term. You are not feeling hunger cues any more but know you need nutrition. Definitely try to get some protein shakes, soup, anything liquid and nutritious. If you need to take the soluble paracetamol first go for it.
Things will heal over time, I think if you deal with the symptoms now and manage to eat the sleep will follow and anxiety will subside. Hopefully things will stop spiralling then x

Don't worry it is not insensitive at all, I am after all posting on a mental health board and I think anxiety is definitely playing a part in making things feel worse. Will take your advice and try to get some more nutritious food inside me for now.