Can't be a mum during my MH crisis

[MadMother37]

I've had a breakdown. It started in October after an incredibly stressful house move out of area, new schools/jobs etc.

Nothing feels familiar even though we've been here 6 months. Its a stunning location and should be good for my MH but I've been so ill.

After several medication changes after Christmas I got severely ill, I was in bed for all of March. My DH became my carer and DMIL moved in to help with my 2 DC 8 and 3.

Im having a few better days but cant bear to be alone with the DC which is such a burden on DH. I dont feel much love or affection towards them when I'm feeling anxious. Its a horrible situation and I want to feel that love again with all my heart but now Im just in survival mode I cant.

What do I do? How do I get better? The fact my DH is my carer now feels devastating too.

Please jump in with any wisdom you have.

(I do have MH support in the community)

This happened to me 18 months ago - I thought I'd never be able to feel joy in my child again but I promise you it can and does change, just try to be kind and compassionate to yourself and give yourself the time you clearly need. Your children are safe and cared for - sit tight and remember you've nurtured these relationships to a point where they can give that back to you and your time will come again.

It's awful and exhausting and I thought it would never end but it did and I'm holding hope for you while acknowledging the despair as well.

Be gentle with yourself as best you can xx

It will get better, just give it time and you will feel that love and affection again. I did lots of meditations a few times a day (petite bambou app) , talking therapy and a cbt type course and medication, I'm amazed by how much the cbt helped (it was called decider skills) and I'm now a year on (today) and feel better than i did before thanks to the skills I've learnt. I'm still on meds but supposed to be stopping them. X

how are you doing now @MadMother37
I'm struggling with my MH at the moment too and to be honest find I'm much calmer and happier when I'm away from my 2 dc even though they are good well behaved dc. It just Gives me less to think about I suppose when im not with them. bloody hate this feeling, I'm no longer the person I was. just wish anxiety would f**koff its really restricting and taking over my life. Hope you are in a much better place now op

I have felt this and for me, the thought of not being able to parent was scarier than doing some of the parenting. However you have to be kind to yourself and patient, do what you can and accept that you are not well and therefore your support network will step up - that’s what they’re there for. You will get back to ‘normal’ but you have to give yourself time to get there. In the mean time, focus on regulating your nervous system via breathing, meditation, gentle regular exercise, fresh air/being in nature, reading etc. Once your anxiety starts to decrease, those feelings of love will return!!! At the moment they are just being dampened by the anxiety alarm - it will pass.