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Original poster

Bit of a random question. How would you broach this?

30 replies

Whichwhatnow · 17/04/2023 15:22

i have multiple mental and physical health issues that are really affecting my ability to function in life/work. I feel like I really need some time out just to reset and have some specialist therapy {EMDR} and have been looking at some residential centres overseas for around 6 weeks. I just don't really know how to raise this with my lovely boss? Any advice? I am the breadwinner so I can't afford to lose this job...

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 17/04/2023 15:22

Are you asking your boss to fund it or for the time off?

Bakinhappy · 17/04/2023 15:24

Would you feel more comfortable bringing it up in person or by writing an email/letter for them to read? Just do whatever feels right for you. They will support you.

fruitbrewhaha · 17/04/2023 15:29

Can you get signed off for 6 weeks?

ItsThePlayBusDingDing · 17/04/2023 15:34

I would get signed off for 6 weeks.

Hope things get better soon 💐

TokyoSushi · 17/04/2023 15:37

If you were unwell, you'd get signed off, this sounds like you are so getting signed off would be the best thing. Hope you're much better very soon.

Socialdistancechampion · 17/04/2023 15:38

Get signed off by the Dr and be frank with your boss that you are going for therapy abroad so will be travelling.

Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 17/04/2023 15:40

Greensleevevssnotnose · 17/04/2023 15:22

Are you asking your boss to fund it or for the time off?

Time off. I just don't know how to frame it. I have no idea if think is a generally acceptable thing to ask. But at this point I have spent several days making plans for suicide, I have been sectioned for my own safety. But my husband refuses to work more than very part time and I'm responsible for everything so I need to keep this job. I would just really value some help in how to raise this with work

OP posts:
travailtotravel · 17/04/2023 15:48

Get signed off. I hope it gives you the strength you need to evaluate your situation and realise that your DH is probably part of the problem here - why can't he work more? Why is it all on you? This is surely part of your stresses.

travailtotravel · 17/04/2023 15:50

As for how to broach it. I'd give your boss a warning that you've been having some medical assessments and may need to receive treatment. They don't need to know all the details. Then write a letter, as previously advised, I have now been assessed and require further treatment. The dates for the treatment are X-Y and I have received a medical note for this period.

Does your sick leave policy give you 6 weeks off?

Bakinhappy · 17/04/2023 15:57

Is there a reason why you think this would affect you keeping your job eg the industry you work in?

I would be supportive of any employee that came to me with this.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 17/04/2023 15:57

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]] or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 17/04/2023 16:03

travailtotravel · 17/04/2023 15:48

Get signed off. I hope it gives you the strength you need to evaluate your situation and realise that your DH is probably part of the problem here - why can't he work more? Why is it all on you? This is surely part of your stresses.

Thank you. My whole family tell me this. To be honest I really hate and wouldn't even be in this job if it weren't for the fact that my husband is so fixated on my salary (I earn over 100k versus his 5), his dental insurance and the death in service payout he'll get when I die. Pretty depressing isn't it.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 17/04/2023 16:08

Very depressing. Can you dump the husband and the job?

Socialdistancechampion · 17/04/2023 16:09

Go to the retreat. Find yourself a nice local man, have a whirlwind romance, come back to the UK rejuvenated and ditch the lazy arsehole.

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/04/2023 16:10

You are in a terrible relationship. What is stopping you from leaving him?

Bananalanacake · 17/04/2023 16:11

He's leaching off you, would you be happier if you weren't married to him.

Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 17/04/2023 16:12

LilyMumsnet · 17/04/2023 15:57

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]] or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Thank you Lily! But I've literally been talking to an end of life consultant who is the one who has recommended this therapy retreat. It was more about advice on asking for time off work than advice on general mental health issues - this isn't a situation I've been in previously so I don't know how it works

OP posts:
Zola1 · 17/04/2023 16:15

I would also go to my GP and get signed off. I'd just be specific to the GP that I wanted x number of weeks off...issue is they might want to review you part way through

TedMullins · 17/04/2023 16:24

Your husband sounds horrendous. I imagine a lot of your issues would be resolved if you left him.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 17/04/2023 16:36

travailtotravel · 17/04/2023 15:50

As for how to broach it. I'd give your boss a warning that you've been having some medical assessments and may need to receive treatment. They don't need to know all the details. Then write a letter, as previously advised, I have now been assessed and require further treatment. The dates for the treatment are X-Y and I have received a medical note for this period.

Does your sick leave policy give you 6 weeks off?

This seems a good approach to me.

While at the retreat maybe give some thought to getting out of this awful marriage. It's horrendous that your husband isn't supporting you more if he's aware of your MH struggles.

As an aside, you can usually nominate who you want to receive your death in service\company pension payout. I'd be speaking to HR and get the beneficiary changed to someone more deserving (though I sincerely hope it's a long, long time before this is needed).

Hope all goes well with your employer OP. Please take care of yourself.

Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 17/04/2023 22:50

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 17/04/2023 16:36

This seems a good approach to me.

While at the retreat maybe give some thought to getting out of this awful marriage. It's horrendous that your husband isn't supporting you more if he's aware of your MH struggles.

As an aside, you can usually nominate who you want to receive your death in service\company pension payout. I'd be speaking to HR and get the beneficiary changed to someone more deserving (though I sincerely hope it's a long, long time before this is needed).

Hope all goes well with your employer OP. Please take care of yourself.

Show quote history

My husband doesn't know this but I have changed my death in service to be equally split with my three siblings (they'll look after my parents). My husband thinks he's going to be a millionaire and I think he's subconsciously trying to push me to death through my health issues. Yes sick leave gives up to six months off. God knows I need it at this point, I can't cope for much longer

OP posts:
Original poster
Whichwhatnow · 17/04/2023 22:54

I've been sat here pouring blood from my nose and pus from my eyes and this has been going on for days. He's just ignored it and is watching com dine with me. I'm just so tired of this.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 17/04/2023 22:58

Book a hotel. Get a taxi. Get out now.

BringtheJury · 17/04/2023 23:00

Should you go to hospital?

Deathbyfluffy · 17/04/2023 23:02

Socialdistancechampion · 17/04/2023 16:09

Go to the retreat. Find yourself a nice local man, have a whirlwind romance, come back to the UK rejuvenated and ditch the lazy arsehole.

It’s a shit situation, but cheating definitely isn’t the answer!
There’s plenty of solutions without resorting to putting it about a bit while married - but the husband needs to go, I agree