Health anxiety - any tips!?

[lolaVie]

To cut a long story short - my 5 week old DD has a hospital referral for an opthalmological issue. She has seen a gp who wasn’t concerned about her symptoms but made the referral to be safe. Rationally I know her symptoms are likely to have an innocent or at least not serious cause partly because of the checks the gp did to confirm this and partly because she doesn’t have them alongside any other concerning symptoms. I also know that the referral is the best thing as it means, on the outside chance something is wrong, an expert will see it and, at 5 weeks old, we couldn’t really have moved any quicker. She saw the gp the morning after the night that the symptoms first presented at the advice of 111 who I called immediately.

I struggle awfully with health anxiety and although I know all these rational things, I’m already exhausting myself with worst case scenarios and googling myself crazy (I know that should be the first thing to stop - any helpful advice on how to do this very welcome!)

does anyone have any helpful tips, maybe mantras or things you do or tell yourself to stay connected to the rational thoughts and not drive yourself mad with worry? I’m having moments where I can’t even look at her without wanting to cry which is exhausting and ultimately ruining these precious newborn days.

I have no understanding of health anxiety. But if you can rationally work out the potentially infinitesimal risk, can you not logically spend an infinitesimal amount of time focusing on something that 99.9% won't happen and rest of your time dealing with other things?

Logically, if you had two older children at different schools, going to different clubs, 20 minutes of homework for each, a full-time job, elderly parents, all presenting you with different, and bigger issues, then surely this would fade into the background. Especially if you had a full-time job as well.

Can the GP give any advice? Could CBT help? If you had to pay to see the Dr and the Dr refused an NHS referral would you be concerned enough to pay yourself?

What exactly is the optholomoligal concern? If it's a squint, it's common in babies, they either grow out of it or it's easily corrected. Does it merot the hyperfocus you are giving it?

@RosesAndHellebores yea I think if I was at work not on mat leave I might have less time for these worries and if my eldest wasn’t on school hols too etc.

its not a squint. Out of nowhere on Wednesday she had one very enlarged pupil. It seems to have resolved now as hasn’t happened since so I suppose that’s reassuring?

My motto is always that there's no point worrying until there's something to worry about. Also the GP's referring as a precaution rather than an urgent need.

Also one for the 'I won't worry until there is something to worry about' mantra.

I also frequently remind myself (and so does my DH) that worrying won't change the outcome and any appointments/tests etc can be viewed as knowledge, and knowledge is always power.

A mantra I heard recently which I like was, if you can do something about it, stop wasting time worrying, if you can't do something about it, also stop wasting time worrying.

As someone with health anxiety, which I can also project onto others close to me, I feel your struggle, but you got this.

I did CBT for health anxiety. It was very helpful. See if you can self refer without having to bother your doctor - your doctor's website might well show you what you can do.

In the meantime, you could investigate the Worry Time Technique https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/tackling-your-worries/ Just scribbling everything you are worried about (even the silly little things - do not judge yourself) on a piece of paper once a day can help relieve some of the pressure.

Your daughter is wonderful and precious and you want to protect her. This is natural and good. These feelings will pass, soon.

I think I saw your other thread OP. What specifically are you worried about? Different pupils can be completely harmless.

@coloursquare honestly it’s hard to say at this point! I know I’ve had reassurance from
the gp and I know anything serious has been ruled out. I also know it can be completely normal. But somehow my mind circles around things like brain tumours even though she’s totally well within herself. I know it’s irrational. And I know I should trust the opinion of the professional we’ve seen.

First of all, it's great that you are aware of your health anxiety and are seeking ways to manage it. It's understandable to feel worried about your child's health, especially as a new parent. I highly suggest limiting your exposure to Google and other search engines. It's easy to fall into the trap of endlessly Googling symptoms, but this can often lead to unnecessary anxiety and worry. Instead, try to limit your exposure to health-related information online. Consider setting a specific time each day to check for updates on your child's condition, and stick to reputable sources. In addition, reach out for therapist support at https://www.riviamind.com/ to develop coping strategies for managing health anxiety.

I have health anxiety and its awful but Dr Kirren's Instagram page has been a huge help. She's a psychologist who focuses on health anxiety. Would really recommend a look at her page if you're struggling.

@Birdies thank you! I’d never heard of her but I’ve just found her and she is really helpful! Thanks so much!

You're welcome @lolaVie 🙂

I’m similar to you OP & worry & overthink things all the time, it is very draining.

@Staticgirl would you mind saying how cbt helped you with this? I’m on a/d’s, hrt & have counselling but still can’t stop worrying & can’t imagine i ever will

@Littlemiss74 Well it's a mix of practical tricks/brain training and a bit of education about things like probability and catastrophic thinking.

I talked with a counsellor a bit so he could see the sort of things I kept thinking and then he gave me some information about why I thought that way and what reality is like - which were different. The worst hardly ever happens so why keep preparing for it - we looked at the roots of why I felt I needed to control things and how that was impossible.

I then learned about the 'Worry Time technique' which is giving yourself about half an hour a day to worry like hell and write it all down no matter how daft the thoughts are - even the ones you think are silly as well as the really dark thoughts - so you can review them next day. I found destroying the notes with extreme prejudice rather satisfying, once the thing I was worrying about was ended.

And then I learned techniques for distractions and training yourself not to think about your worries the rest of the time. They came in handy when I did CBT for insomnia later which worked even better because it was even more practical.... and good sleep helps heal you and protect you against other forms of anxiety.

I admit I wasn't brilliant at Worry Time because my thoughts do have a habit of breaking out and running rampant for a short while until I distract myself but the insights into my thinking styles and how they were specifically magical thinking did help me a lot as I started seeing things a bit more realistically.

And I did notice that the things I was worrying about a month previously would disappear and new worries would happen - but if the thing I was worried about never happened, why was I so worried about it? What was the point of preparing and spending all that energy on it. It didn't help me get better when I was poorly.

It's different seeing it in black and white on my Worry-Time diary sheet thingy. It's kind of like re-educating yourself about what is really worth worrying about.

I am going to the hospital for investigations myself at the moment. I am deliberately not googling it in order to limit my exposure to worry. This is different to what i used to do. I am also putting more trust in the consultants and doctors. They know what they are talking about more than me. I am not feeling too bad at the moment which is new.

I hope that helps. I know how debilitating it is and, when I was in the hospital today, I was sat near to a woman who was really suffering from anxiety. Her friend was with her and her friend got her talking about her dogs which really helped her, you could hear her voice getting stronger. She was brilliant. Talking about the things, people, animals you love and feeling that love, it will make you feel better during the dark times.

Also love yourself. You're a mum and your DD is the most previous new person ever. What you are feeling is the sensations of a momma bear who is trying to fight the predators off to protect your baby. I hope you have someone you can trust to vent and rant to to share some of that weight on your shoulders. It is not wrong to care this much. You may find that as the weeks pass you will start to get a handle on this quite naturally.

'most precious new person' even. I reviewed this so many times and still made mistakes. Gah!