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Is it a good idea for your partner to go to the same therapist as you (not talking about couples therapy)

8 replies

glasjam · 14/02/2008 16:17

Hi there - don't know if this is the right place to post this but thought I'd give it a whirl.

A friend of mine is going through some counselling at the moment which I am very supportive of. She is doing it with someone who is training and it is someone she sees in "real life" too in a non-related work capacity. Having been through psychotherapy myself I was a bit thrown by the idea of seeing my therapist outside of the sessions (my own sessions took place in an anonymous consulting room, some distance away from home and I NEVER saw the therapist out and about). But I thought that it was better than nothing.

My friend's husband has many issues - he is partly a contributing factor to her own depression with his explosive anger,obsessive behaviour, negativity and jealousy. He has been promising to "see someone" for years now but never has until now - and he's decided to go to the same trainee therapist.

I instantly felt uncomfortable when she told me this - at first I just expressed my relief that he was finally doing something about his problems - but the more I think about it the more I think it can't be healthy.

If i knew my partner was seeing the same therapist as me I would probably unconsciously censor myself and I would constantly be second guessing the information that my therapist had about me from my partner. I also think it is possibly a way for my friend's husband to muscle in on her "space" - almost like a control thing.

Of course I could be just being incredibly judgemental. Maybe other people think this is great, healthy even - I personally have misgivings and wondered what others might say. I'd be particularly interested to know whether it is professionally ethical to do this - would the therapist be best advised to tell the other half to get a different therapist? Or at the very least instigate some sort of couple therapy with them?

Any thoughts welcome.

OP posts:
FioFio · 14/02/2008 16:20

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dittany · 14/02/2008 16:29

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glasjam · 14/02/2008 17:46

Thanks. Glad it's just not me then. I might have to say something - but I know that if I do the partner won't like it and might try a bit of emotional blackmail with my friend along the lines of "i'm doing what you wanted all these years ie. seeing someone and you're telling me it's wrong so I'll not bother at all " somehow turning it all back onto his wife - tricky one - but I do reckon that there's some ulterior motive on his part. And the therapist being a trainee worries me too when it comes to him - he needs serious help.

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dittany · 14/02/2008 17:54

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onebatmother · 14/02/2008 18:03

this is very odd, glasjam.

Firstly I'm very surprised the therapist agreed to see a RL friend.
Secondly - unethical to see her partner, surely?
Thirdly - suspect you're right about him muscling in. And about the 'fine then I won't go at all' if she raises it with him.
Fourthly - and right about self-censoring.

I would personally never see a trainee (though of course they have to train on someone.. bit hypocritical of me.)

Has she raised it with the therapist?

I once had a friend of a friend who started to see my old therapist quite a while after I'd finished going, and that alone felt really ...weird.

ska · 14/02/2008 18:10

i think its unethical - i wonder if thetrainee has told their supervisor. it raises lots of issues about confidentiality - although they'd try hard i'm sure would they always be thinking baout what the other one told them? feels incestuous to me

onebatmother · 14/02/2008 19:46

yes, Ska, and slightly power-crazed tbh.

glasjam · 14/02/2008 20:55

Just thought I should clarify one thing and that is the counsellor is not someone my friend socialises with - she's more of an aquaintance that she'll see at her place of work - someone she would chat to outwith session times and meet with occasionally in a work capacity.

As for the type of counselling I believe it's a form of experiential constructivism (!?) - I believe UKCAP recognise the course she's doing. I don't think there is any egotism on the part of the counsellor - probably believes that she is really helping. I just hope that she would be astute enough to realise if this type of counselling was totally unsuitable for either partner and advise them accordingly.

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