Health anxiety is ruining my life, again

[daisydoods]

I have been on sertraline twice - first time after therapy and being diagnosed with health anxiety after DD1 was born, stopped when I felt in a better place and before I fell pregnant with DD2, then again last year due to generalised anxiety and stopped them at the start of last month as I felt like I was in a fantastic place and felt a million times stronger and able.

Over the last 10 days or so, health anxiety has been trying to creep back, and I've ignored it, but tonight I just feel terrible. My biggest fear last time was lumps and cancers, and now it's a heart attack. My DF has had 1 years ago, so now I'm paranoid. I've had that horrible flu/cold/aches and pains/terrible cough and throat bug that's doing the rounds, followed by conjunctivitis, and the cough still lingers on an evening (as it does for most people who've had it and with it being viral it's just a case of waiting for it to go) and I cough that deep my chest gets irritated by it and after coughing can feel a little sore, and I have an ache on and off in the back of my arm after spending two full days decorating and moving furniture. I can't rationalise these on an evening.

Today I've had such a lovely day with DH and our DD's and felt completely fine, but the minute I'm stationary watching tv and have chance to think, I start worrying about heart attacks to the point the physical anxiety symptoms return full-force. My biggest fear is dying and leaving my lovely little family behind. I feel like I'm letting them down feeling like this, I know they won't see it that way, and DH is a great listener and source of support.

I really, really don't want to go back on medication, and the wait for talking therapy like I had before is massive. I just wondered if anyone had any suggestions I could try? Thanks

The worst thing you can do with any type of anxiety is to ignore it, because the voice that's whispering in your ear to try and get your attention will simply start yelling - which is what's happening at the moment. Have you had a checkup with regard to the cough? Getting a medical all clear is the first step.

You say that twice you stopped because you felt fantastic. That's the worst thing you can do.
You felt great because of the meds so stopping them will just result in the anxiety returning.
Stay on them long term under supervision of a gp.

I hope you can get the support you need xx
Health anxiety ruled my life for years and I've been in a better place for about 8 years. It still comes and goes but in my dips, it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be.
I've been medicated for 16 years and it's what keeps me sane.

@Eyesopenwideawake getting a medical all-clear won't help heath anxiety as the anxiety just hooks onto another medical issue.

Obviously though the OP should get medical advice about physical symptoms if worried they are dangerous.

But longer term medication would probably be the best step. Your mind is playing tricks on you - look at it like this. Medication can help to rectify this, in the same way meds for blood pressure would etc.

I have/had health anxiety and so can fully sympathise with you OP.

Sertraline was a game changer for me, once I found the right dose. I don’t see the need to come off it to be honest. As a pp said, it’s the same as taking a tablet for blood pressure and I don’t see any shame in doing so.

I once heard the analogy of anxiety meds and asthma meds. If you take the preventative asthma meds you feel great, no sign of asthma, but as soon as you stop the symptoms start to creep back. If the sertraline is keeping you stable then the best thing to do is to keep taking it.

@coloursquare Medication is certainly an option, but not the only one and @daisydoods said she "really, really" doesn't want to go back on it. An alternative option is to find the root cause of the anxiety and deal with that.

In the short term, the CBT technique of labelling your thoughts can be quite helpful. It's not a magic bullet but it can help a bit.

Basically what you do is you just 'notice' your thoughts and feelings, without judging them. It helps to distance you from the thoughts you're having. Some people write them down, some people note them on an app, some people just observe them within their own minds.

So you say to yourself 'I am having an intrusive thought about Dreadful Ibby Wibbly Disease' or 'I am worried that I am going to <insert worryful thing here>'. This sort of cognitively separates the thought from the symptom; it's a thought you're having rather than a direct symptom of X.

Longer term, I've found the book Overcoming Health Anxiety by Veale and Willson very helpful. It's a bit of a classic text on the subject.

I feel for you, health anxiety is extremely unpleasant. I've had it on and off my whole adult life. (The good news: my personal diagnosis success rate is zero, and I'm still here, buggering along.) I've been on sertraline for about three years now, and it does help. If sertraline doesn't suit you there are loads of other antidepressants to try, so talk to your GP.

Health anxiety is difficult to pin down but it's generally an exhaust gas, rather than an ignition. So it's usually a symptom of something else. It could be loss of control, it could be fear of death, it could be parents' anxieties being pushed onto you as a child, it could be loneliness. But as pp say, it's worth getting to the bottom of what's triggering it because doing that can also help contextualise the worry.

Let me finish by listing the diseases I've convinced myself I've had, that I haven't actually had. Buckle in, it's quite a list.

Bowel cancer. Heart disease. A heart attack. A stroke. Blood clots and pulmonary embolism. Liver cancer. Skin cancer (all three major types). Brain tumours. Spinal tumours. A blood clotting disorder. Lung cancer. Kidney cancer. Pancreatic cancer. A mysterious imaginary cancer with a tumour that moves around and disappears. A carcinoid tumour. Schizophrenia. Early-onset Alzheimer's. Several reproductive system cancers. Superventricular tachycardia. Rheumatoid arthritis. HIV. Syphilis. Motor neurone disease.

And how many have I actually had? Nada. Zero. None. Zilch. If nothing else, I try to comfort myself these days when I start worrying that my hit rate at diagnosing myself is truly appalling and if I was a doctor I'd have been struck off years ago.

@Knullrufs - great post! The only thing I would add is that getting to the origin is (as you say) the key to dealing with it permanently; anything else is just masking the problem.

@Knullrufs I've been suffering really bad at the moment with my health anxiety it's totally taking over my life I can't enjoy anything not even my children! I find myself having a short fuse and getting irritated over every little thing...I came across your post and in a weird way I felt relieved that I wasn't the only one that has had these totally irrational fears! But in my head they are valid they are oh so real. I find it difficult to shake the constant feeling of fear and dread...I always look for reassurance from people and I do for a short time but then the feelings creep back and I end up in the exact same place. I had convinced myself that I had a brain tumor (supposedly I've had one for over 10 years) and now I have oral cancer and bowel/colon cancer! I'm finding it so so difficult to shake atm nobody understands and I feel silly for saying how I feel but to me my symptoms are real and I don't want to go to the doctors in fear my worst fears are confirmed...I feel I'm going crazy 😫 my sister passed away 5 years ago with numerous cancers and now I fear I'm going to go the same way. I can't even say the word cancer so writing the word is a big step for me. If i read domething about someone who has it i convince myself i have it so i try so hard not to read/hear anything involving the word! I jst dont know what to do 😔

Hello! I know this thread is a bit old but I am in exactly the same boat as all of you. I am really struggling to find other people that feel the same as me :/ I’m just so convinced I have a terminal illness all the time. I’ve had so many tests done and so far come back fine but then I always think but what if they missed something? I’m currently waiting on the results of another test and I’m so convinced that this time it’s 100% something 😩

@Oceanshore92 ,My son was the same as you ,he googled every imaginable illness and was so convinced that he was going to die . He is now a different guy ,he takes Sertraline , changed his diet ,spends his time with positive friends.