supressed feelings?

[newmummy27]

does anyone out there feel like they keep everything in as it is the easy option? i feel like i cant set myself free from depression as maybe i am in denial about some things. i dont feel supported emotionally by DH he cant seem to talk about feelings and i never feel good enough, although i run myself raggered and the house is spotlessironing all done etc etc as i know i can do that and it kind of keeps me going. i am a first time mum, son is nearly 14 weeks now. sometimes feel like DH does things cause he feels he has to rather than wants to. i'd love him to just put his arm around me and me let it out, but i am frightened to as the hurt feels too much. maybe its just a bad day, i really dont feel like i can go back to my job after maternity leave aas i feel i will break down. it is easier just t stay in my own world, iykwim?

Oh you poor thing, you definitely need some new mummmy friends to share your feelings with.

I went to a wonderful (all inclusive, non judgemental) mother and baby group when my daughter was your son's age and we really bonded and talked about all the implications for family life of having children etc.

Can you see whether your HV can put you in touch with a group? Or whether you could go to post-natal group / baby massage or something?

Not in the long run. The way I recovered from PND, and prevented it happening again, was by recognising my right to have and express emotions. That there is no need to feel guilty about feeling bad.

You might be surprised by what comes out when you relax and speak. Also by how your dh responds. I was so astonished by dh! And it was positive, helpful and loving. Nobody can be perfect, but you'd be amazed at how much imperfection can actually be right for you and loving for you, even if it's not exactly what you want to hear.

You don't have to talk to your dh. You can find a counsellor to ehlp you release your feelings. But if you are worried about your dh's response, or are waiting for him to take the first step, you might find it helpful to say something to him along the lines of "I need to talk to you. I don't want you to fix the problem, I don't want you to feel you have to cure anything, I just want you to listen to me. And maybe give me a bit of sympathy and a cuddle."

My dh found my depression very worrying, becasue he felt that he had to cure me, that somehow he was responsible for making it all better. Which he can't be. He can help, but the recovery has to come from within you. Knowing that he doesn't have to make it all better makes it much easier for the man to cope, and to give you the emotional support you need.

hi Anna
i am going to go to baby massage next week. sometimes i just feel it is easier to stay on my own and get on with things, as talking brings things out that i find it hard to deal with. i have a beautiful son, live in a nice area,my dh has a good job, but sometimes feel i am missing out on the relationship side. i feel like i am being very ungrateful,which makes it worse

If you need to (re)build your relationship with your DH, talking to other new mothers can be a good way of getting the conversation at home going too - honestly . When you realise (as you will) that other people have similar issues to you and talk about them, you will find it easier to raise them with your DH.

I'm not saying it's a miracle cure - but the one thing that is a complete non-starter is staying shut up at home and talking to no-one and just getting on with the housework. You need friends and a life and fun in your day.

Hey, ditto what everyone has said about support from mummy friends!
Also wanted to ask is there something specific you are in denial about / want to "let out" - is it something from your past? Or do you mean just generally about feeling crap?

Hi
I just took some of my own advise and went out for a walk with baby.
the denial... maybe i am not in the right relationship, married to the right person.. surely i wouldnt feel the way i do if i was? i feel isolated as he is quiet, has no friends or family around (they are in other part of the country) and i feel under pressure. i feel like there is no-one out there to look out for us and sometimes feel like throwing the towel in and giving up.

I understand. Surely then having a good group of local mummy friends would help take some of the pressure off?

Your DH and you cannot be everything to one another - if that's the situation you are currently in, it's bound to be very difficult.

Hi,
Obviously only you can answer your question about whether you are with the right person, but don't forget things can get distorted out of all perspective when you're feeling down. Everything feels wrong and you can't think straight. I wouldn't assume at all that because you are feeling like sh*t at the moment and everything seems so negative, that that must mean you are not with the right person.
Another suggestion for letting it all out is to talk to your HV - I have been seeing mine and she is v supportive and good at just listening to me spouting cr#p at her.

Newmummy, can only reply briefly (not meant to be on MN right now!) but I too went through a period of seriously doubting whether I ever truly loved dh, and whether 'all this' was a terrible mistake. But it was the PND speaking, it was the distorted world view you get when you're at the bottom of the bleak pit of PND. As I came up out of PND I began to recognise this, and saw the true and real love dh and I have for each other. Depression can really mess with your head!