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Original poster

I can't stop eating

4 replies

Tooyoungtofeelthisold · 07/04/2023 22:05

Please be gentle. I hate myself for being in this situation. I know its my own fault. I don't know how to make it better.

I've had poor MH since I was a very young child, as an adult I've been diagnosed with: depression, anxiety, OCD, Health anxiety, agoraphobia (which I've largely overcome) BPD, and been told I really need assessment for C-PTSD because it falls in line with many of the daily symptoms I live with.

I've spent most of my life struggling with my weight, food is the cure all for everything.

It's massively affected my physical and mental health. I'm obsessed with food.

I start a new diet every week or two, and failing on that diet is eroding my self esteem. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself I will die if I don't overcome this, it doesn't stop me from stuffing my face to deal with my emotions.

I even went abroad during the pandemic to have a gastric sleeve. It's been unsuccessful.

I feel like such a massive failure. I eat until I'm sick, I eat until I get dumping syndrome, so I'll feel sick, ill get dizzy, ill feel like I need to sleep.
I have multiple health issues caused by the shit I throw down my throat, I've got high cholesterol, hypertension, my asthma is uncontrolled, I have Obstructive sleep apnoea, my PCOS is worse. I have fatty liver disease, I have back problems. My limbs are so swollen that I cannot fit my trainers from last year on, my jewelery is now too small.
I can't find any clothes to fit. I feel so ugly and I know it sounds over dramatic, but I keep thinking of the only way I can put myself out of this misery is to kill myself.

This is a more extreme feeling than I've ever felt because of these issues.
I hate myself for being so weak, and for feeling like I'm unfixable.
This should so easily be within my control.

I don't feel like there's anything else I can try.

Bariatric surgery is usually the last port of call for people like me. I can't afford semaglutide. I keep failing when I try to do and be better.
I want to be less obsessed with food. I want to be healthy, but neither are true, and I'm so unhappy.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 07/04/2023 22:34

food is the cure all for everything

It's what I call the 'baby's dummy' analogy. When you were very young and you didn't have the ability to rationalise the behaviour of the people around you, you reached for (or were given) the one thing that guaranteed comfort; food. When everything around you was uncertain, or scary or you didn't have someone to hold you and tell you you were loved, food was there - it never let you down.

So it's not unreasonable to still see food as the only thing you can rely on, even if you know, logically, that's it's now hurting your health. The subconscious habit that began in childhood will override the adult's concerns and demand that absolute comfort it knows food will provide. I don't know if you've considered hypnosis but it can help, by connecting with the part(s) of your mind that think that food is the answer to all your problems and, in a nutshell, telling it to stop now because it's no longer helpful or causing you to be safe and happy.

Original poster
Tooyoungtofeelthisold · 07/04/2023 23:20

Eyesopenwideawake · 07/04/2023 22:34

food is the cure all for everything

It's what I call the 'baby's dummy' analogy. When you were very young and you didn't have the ability to rationalise the behaviour of the people around you, you reached for (or were given) the one thing that guaranteed comfort; food. When everything around you was uncertain, or scary or you didn't have someone to hold you and tell you you were loved, food was there - it never let you down.

So it's not unreasonable to still see food as the only thing you can rely on, even if you know, logically, that's it's now hurting your health. The subconscious habit that began in childhood will override the adult's concerns and demand that absolute comfort it knows food will provide. I don't know if you've considered hypnosis but it can help, by connecting with the part(s) of your mind that think that food is the answer to all your problems and, in a nutshell, telling it to stop now because it's no longer helpful or causing you to be safe and happy.

Thank you, this is a really nice way of looking at it, and its all true, food has never let me down, its like having a friend thats no good for you, but when they're there, it's all that matters.
I did look into hypnotherapy years ago, but the person I spoke to told me it would work as much as the work I put into it, which felt a bit like they were pre facing that it may not work, but then that would be my fault and I just tried another 2 or 3 diets and gym memberships and surgery.

I'll definitely go and look into Hypnotherapy, even if it just gives me hope that something can help me, that'll be nice

OP posts:
mumyes · 07/04/2023 23:25

@Tooyoungtofeelthisold I have no advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry you feel this way.

You may hate yourself, but I send a hug & some flowers. Flowers

Greensleevevssnotnose · 07/04/2023 23:31

Honestly semagluitede pays for itself. I take rybselsus at 150 a month and have bought no food for two months now. I couldn't possibly eat and the weight is falling off. Compared to a sleeve it's very cheap. Sounds like you also need therapy to deal with the mental health as well. I will stop when I reach a safe BMI. I started at BMI 41 so very obese. I've lost 12 pounds in two weeks after trying everything

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