I had a mental breakdown last night… feel so weird today

[squeakysqueak1]

I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for a while, and it exasperates hugely when I’m under stress. I’ve had therapy in the past, I’m currently on the waiting list for NHS as private therapy is quite unaffordable.

I’m currently in the midst of looking for a job, my current workplace has been horrible and so toxic and I’m suffering from burnout. I’m currently working my notice as I can’t afford not to. I went to the GP with chest pain and they said I’m simply burnt out, I have a slightly burst eardrum due to shear stress and I need to look after myself. I’ve had a few personal issues with my self esteem and some friendships too.

DP has been amazing but inevitably my moods and burnout has led to some arguments. He’s also going through some things, such as his job being very insecure and struggling to find a new one. He also lives with his parents, who are moving far away very soon. He needs to find a new living situation asap and we are really stressed as he doesn’t earn much money right now. I can’t let him move into mine officially as I flat share and it’s against the rules. And we’re also travelling in 5 months so can’t commit to anything.

We both have so many external stresses and last night I hit rock bottom. We were arguing and he said he’s starting to think there’s no solution to this as we argue a lot. I absolutely broke down, I was absolutely hysterical, I cried and cried and cried. I started hitting my head on the carpet and nearly concussed myself, I had a massive bump. DP held me for hours afterwards, and helped me through everything

He told me not to be embarrassed, he will always be here for me, and I don’t have to deal with it alone. He’s been amazing.

I just feel so weird and almost.. empty today. I’ve tried to make a list of things I need to start doing to look after myself. But how do I feel better?

is travelling a good idea considering you’re job hunting and he’s in an insecure job?

how long have you been with your partner?

What helped me was getting outside for a bit and giving myself permission to take time to heal. Mental health needs as much care and nurture as physical health.

So day 1 was just to open the front door. Day 2 was to step out and go to the end of my drive. Day 3 was to walk a little bit further. And so on. (I was signed off sick at the time.)

I would break down whatever goals you want to achieve into very small steps that you can slowly build upon.

As you haven't mentioned meds, I would consider that too.

We’ve been together 2 years. He’s honestly the most loving person and I never ever wanted him to see something like that. He’s trying really hard but I just don’t know what else to do. Forgot to mention that I’ve tried meds in the past as well and none have seemed to work for me

We were arguing and he said he’s starting to think there’s no solution to this as we argue a lot. I absolutely broke down, I was absolutely hysterical, I cried and cried and cried. I started hitting my head on the carpet and nearly concussed myself, I had a massive bump.

so when he implied that perhaps the relationship was a dead end, this was your reaction?

what does the 5 month travelling look like?

You talk about not knowing what to do.
The only thing you need to do today is to stop thinking about what to do!
Seriously. Just be. And breathe.

This is actually quite good advice.