My son had his friend over today. All went fine til I was driving the friend home and ds was badgering me about when his friend could come round again. I was saying I’m not sure as we have got plans in the next few days. I then saw him give me the finger in the rear view mirror and laugh with his friend. He is 12 in case that matters. I immediately told him I saw it and after I dropped his friend off I went bananas at him. I explained to him that he had not only offended me but also humiliated me in front of his friend. Not only that but I’d had his friend over, taken them both out etc, to be repaid with the finger.
He argued that it was ‘just a joke’ but I was really upset by it.
Things like this are never straightforward for me. Ds does stupid shit like this sometimes and it leads me to spiral into thinking I must be a terrible mother for my kid to do that. And then I remember awful times when my parents would both be telling me that I was stupid and no good and lecturing me for hours about how I don’t stand right, I don’t hold my cutlery correctly, I don’t hug my violent bully of a stepdad enough etc etc. I have lived my life utterly ashamed of myself because of their constant put downs and criticism. Somehow in my head I worry that when I tell ds off that I’m somehow doing the same to him (even tho rationally I can see I don’t and that he is well loved and we usually have a really close relationship.)
im sitting here now wanting to cry. How have I brought up a 12 year old who sticks his finger up at me? Why is it my son doesn’t respect me? I’m a complete and utter fucking waste of space and shouldn’t be alive.