medication fears

[Cherryblossomtreesforever]

I'm 47 and currently still having regular periods.
However, I am really struggling with my mental health, and I feel almost certain it is hormone related.

I feel unbearably low. It's like being stuck in a dark hole with no way out.
I have a diagnosis of PTSD and suffer distressing flashbacks and panic attacks.
I'm waiting for my first CBT appointment.

I just feel that I need "something" to help me.
The problem is I am limited (and terrified) to try anything hormone related (for perimenopause) as I have hemiplegic migraines. I've had them since I was 13 (when I started my periods) and they are very much hormone induced. Any change in my hormones can be a trigger. I was rushed to hospital during my 4th pregnancy as they thought I was having a stroke (my migraines make me confused, unable to speak, one sided numbness/ weakness and horrible visual effects). They average now at about one every 2 months (which is quite enough as they never get any less scary - medication helps with the headache but not the neurological symptoms).
The GP won't prescribe the combined pill for example as I am more at risk of stroke.

I have reached the point now where I just don't know what to do.
I have never felt this level of sadness before. It really scares me.
I have thoughts in my head that constantly tell me how worthless I am. That I am not worthy of breathing fresh air and that there is no place for me.
I try to reason with these thoughts but they just play in my head spontaneously.
I am going through a sad time (and have a lot going on in my life), which I know is another trigger for me feeling like this. I just feel so overwhelmed and isolated.
I'm a single mum.

That sounds awful - I'm so sorry. If it helps I can explain what PTSD is and why you are getting the flashbacks?

Thank you. That would be helpful.

I have complex post traumatic stress
Sertraline saved my life

When we encounter something that we consider traumatic (which differs from person to person - some things one person would find traumatic wouldn't affect other people in the same way and vica versa) the subconscious mind attempts to make sense of what happened for the express reason of avoiding it ever happening again.

If there's a rational and obvious answer - for example the car crash was caused by someone drink driving or even that the abuser was themselves damaged by abuse - the subconscious can accept that and leave the problem in the past. If, however, there's no clear solution because the incident was completely random or the people involved are unwilling/unable to explain their actions, then the subconscious will keep examining the issue from every angle and every alternative outcome to try to figure out how to stop it happening again. This is why the flashbacks happen, it's like a computer trying to solve a puzzle by rerunning the program over and over again. This is why you're getting the spontaneous thoughts.

Sometimes there's also the thought that the person who suffered the trauma were in some way responsible for what happened to them and that can cause them to feel shame, guilt or worthlessness. I don't know if this applies to you or you are just feeling overwhelmed by everything you're experiencing.

It is possible to stop the trauma hamster wheel; it's something I work with as a remedial hypnotist but also counselling or therapy would achieve the same results.

I relate. A low dose antidepressant turned things around for me. I just had to take it for a year. Talk to your doctor, even if you have to cry through the appointment, like I did.