OCD

[Roo1808]

Does anybody have OCD that tells them they have done something bad or that they are something bad even though you know it isn’t true? For the past 3 weeks now out of nowhere I’ve been having these horrible thoughts that no matter how much I tell myself they aren’t true, just won’t go away. It’s been hell, I’ve been in tears most days and I’ve actually been having suicidal thoughts. I also have rituals, usually counting and I’m doing them that often I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve also convinced myself I am going to get arrested and sent to prison and that I’m going to lose my children😢 I feel like a monster

Oh gosh, that sounds awful OP. Intrusive thoughts, like you’ve described are horrendous, but that’s all they are, thoughts. They are not real or to be believed. We all have thoughts like this but when we are very anxious, we hook on to them and it becomes a vicious circle. You are not going crazy, you are suffering from anxiety.
Have you visited your GP. Pls do and describe what is happening to you. Medication can help tremendously as can CBT. Can you afford to pay for CBT? Your GP may be able to recommend someone.

This is is not forever, you can move on from this so although I know you are feeling desperate, pls know this can be sorted.

If you feel like you are going to actually take your life, you can call 999.

Yes, if my OCD gets out of control I get the O element really badly in the form of intrusive thoughts. I was convinced I was going to kill my husband. Didn’t want to kill him, didn’t imagine killing him, the intrusive thoughts were more like a fear that it might happen one day. No reason though.

I had CBT. I was pregnant at the time so it was through the GP. I’d had some after birth of DC1 when my OCD went mental and I had obsessional thoughts about being attacked in the house. We were trying to buy a house and couldn’t as I rejected them all as unsafe.

My compulsive behaviours are much milder, so all my treatment has focused on the obsessive thoughts.

Its hideous and you have all my sympathy. Can you try the GP first in case you are eligible for some support? Perhaps a short term anxiety treatment would help too?

Thank you both. I forgot to say in my OP I did phone the gp and told her I am suffering with anxiety and she prescribed sertraline. I didn’t tell her about the thoughts as I was embarrassed, I just told her about the anxiety. I have only been taking them for just over a week so I know I won’t feel any effects yet. I just hope they start to work soon.

Hi, yes, I get really intrusive ego-dystonic thoughts like these, thoughts that I’ll accidentally harm my children, that I’m a terrible person, that I’m going to drive into oncoming traffic etc. my consultant psych said these OVD intrusive thoughts are in part due to my anxiety. Paroxetine really helped minimise them for me.

Honestly, not to minimise how awful it is but it is not uncommon at all.
If you are a week into anti depressants, it can sometimes be the case, that your anxiety or intrusive thoughts, can become worse before getting better. I think you should stick with it but I’m not a doctor, just speaking from my own experience. It can take about 4-6 weeks to help (I think).
Pls do not feel ashamed of any intrusive thoughts, however horrendous. They have absolutely no bearing on you as a person. You won’t act on them, you are not crazy or bad, you are a human being just struggling like lots of others.
Do you have an understanding partner, parent friend that can stay with you or support you?
You can go back to the GP and write down what’s happening if it’s too hard to say. Ask about CBT.
Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself that you are a good, kind, strong person and you’re just having intrusive thoughts. Sending you my best wishes OP

@Roo1808 I have had so many of these thoughts over the years and over many different themes. Presently stuck in a cycle right now that's been going on for about a month.
I'm on medication but I do find it flares up when I'm anxious or there is lots of change happening.
Feel free to pm if you want more depth.
Also I highly recommend Bryony Gordon's book Mad Girl which is her memoir of living with this disorder.
It can be managed but believe me I know the desperation it can cause.

Please be aware that in the early stages of medication it can increase suicidal thoughts. I’m not suggesting stop them without docs advice but letting you know that this can sometimes be the case.