How to stop giving a f*ck

[Annabel43]

I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of myself. I absolutely torture myself over interactions I have at work. Someone was an absolute ar5e to me at work the other day, completely lied and I let him get away with it because I didn’t want to be rude and fight back or risk losing my job. I took it. I didn’t believe enough at the time that he shouldn’t have lied as he did. I then torture myself for days for being weak.

im at a swimming club as I write this. There’s a woman here who annoys the hell out of me because she always grabs chairs for her children to sit on, even though there are adult spectators that have to stand. The rest of us have children on our laps or on the floor. I’m fuming with myself that I don’t do anything about it other than stew. She is fine. She doesn’t give a f*ck.

Can anyone recommend any books to help me. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A…. Didn’t work for me. I’ve had enough of being a weak doormat. I want my children on a chair and not the floor.

Help me!

Have a look at this guide to Core Beliefs. I would guess that somewhere in your childhood you learnt that speaking up for yourself was not a good strategy and this has stayed with you. You CAN change it and become assertive. I am a remedial hypnotist and have worked with similar situations.

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance

I am in a similar boat OP.
Being dumped on at work and not standing up for myself and then allowing it all to encroach on my free time/sleep etc.
I am also keen to improve in this area!

I mean, I wouldn’t recommend it but I found out I had cancer when my baby was 16 weeks old and the combination of the two (being a mum now and facing my own mortality) has transformed me from a people pleaser so someone who (politely) puts herself and her family first. I’ve wanted this my whole life and never managed it. Unfortunately the not giving a f doesn’t extend to my appearance/baldness so I’m massively struggling with that but otherwise I’m uncharacteristically asserting myself all over the place 🫣

Like the previous person, I learned to seriously NGAF through serious personal struggle. I probably should care more and probably wish I did, but I don't. I don't recommend this as a method of getting to the DGAF point either, but it comes down to figuring out what is yours to worry about and what isn't. I care about my kids and my and their lives. I care about close family and my pets. I care about a few friends. The woman who hogs chairs and makes other adults stand for her children? Not my problem. Let the standing adults deal with it if they want to, or let the woman look bad. It doesn't affect you. I think it's about perspective.