What might my doctor say?

[TeenLifeMum]

I’ve never struggled with mh before. I’m 40. Have lovely dh and dc. Home life pretty perfect. I’ve always been career motivated, great appraisals and moved up the ladder. A year ago my company changed, got rid of my manager and merged our teams under another manager. He has a reputation for being scary, unpredictable and a bully. He’s taken a dislike to me, gaslights about stuff that didn’t happen and takes event accounts of another member of the team who he trusts… she wants my job and we’re going through a restructure so unsurprisingly she’s not giving him a positive account of anything I do.

I’ve been really up and down but trying to brave it. hr aren’t interested. I actually cried in front of an exec (so embarrassing and out of character).

that’s the short version. I want to leave but roles aren’t easy to find and I’m tied through a training anyway that, by finishing, I’d be more employable in more senior roles. Tied for 18 months.

I’ve had some scarily dark thoughts and my dc are, at times, all that’s keeping me here. I feel like a total failure. I can’t get control of the situation and can’t see a way out. Can’t afford for me to outright quit or I would.

this is all so new to me. I’m worried about the longer term impact if I’m truly honest with my gp (travel and life insurance for example). I want to ask for sleeping tablets but I’m scared to go down this route. I take the odd pain killer but I’m not ill as such. Tablets won’t make it better because I know the cause is the toxic environment. Going off sick would probably see me totally screwed over re the restructuring as they’re not sympathetic re mh sickness.

i feel so lost. Can anyone help me understand what a gp would say? Would it just be “get a new job”! ?

Forget the 18 months training and leave ASAP.

workplace bullying destroyed me completely. I suffered it for 5 years and I got to the point I lost all confidence, I just couldn’t leave for ages. I was suicidal, on antidepressants and a wreck. Counselling and CBT couldn’t really help whilst I was still there living with it every day. I barely left the house apart from work and my DC lost their mum having days out for a few years as I just couldn’t cope with life.
I did finally leave, my MH improved but my confidence has never fully recovered. I constantly doubt myself in my new role, even though it’s been several years now and my appraisals are all marvellous.
If the Dr prescribes sleeping tablets, it will only be for several days. They don’t prescribe long term. You may be offered antidepressants which will make things more manageable but won’t solve the problem, they may suggest a referral for counselling but they will be sympathetic. Drs suffer burnout, bullying, stress and depression too! Are you in a union? Maybe they could help if HR won’t, or maybe speak to Acas for advice.

Leave before you pass the point of being able to get back to who you were.
I’m sorry you are going through this

@RoddyStJames thank you for understanding. I’m trying to leave - job interview today that felt ideal and a good fit. I met all the criteria and felt my interview was good. I didn’t get it and learned a less qualified colleague got it. I guess she came across better than me but it’s destroying me and I can’t see a way out. I need an income to live on. I could take a cut but even then I don’t know where to go with that. No one has my corner at work although they say nice things. Leaving is all I want at this stage but I feel no one wants me and I’m worthless.

You feel like that because your confidence is already being crushed. You are NOT worthless. It sounds like a chat to the Dr is needed sooner rather than later.
I hope you can get out soon.

Managed to get through quickly, spoke with gp and she’s giving me a week of sleeping tablets just to get me to my annual leave. She understands I need to secure my new role before being signed off but ideally wants me signed off so basically call back as soon as role is finalised. She did suggest the other option is antidepressants but that won’t resolve the cause and would only be if I needed longer term help. Her main advice was to leave the job… I am trying. She was so lovely and I felt so bad wasting her time because I’m not medically ill and this is so avoidable. Can’t stop crying - thank god I’m working from home today. I was working at 9.30pm last night (I don’t mind that as it was a genuine urgent deadline) so I’m going to do essentials today and probably take a nap. This is all so out of character for me.

You didn’t waste her time, you mustn’t think like that.
MH is just as important as physical health! You wouldn’t feel like you had wasted the Drs time if you needed treating for a broken leg, this really is no different.
Look after yourself, good luck with the job hunt.

Thanks @RoddyStJames it all feels so unnecessary. It didn’t need to be like this and it’s made worse because others have left the team… due to mh. There’s such a clear pattern but the blame is always on the individual rather than the leadership (or lack of any leadership).

I was told by the director that one team doesn’t respect me (she means one person as it’s a team of 2 and one colleague is fine, known her for years, other speaks to me like I’m a trainee). raised in my job consultation meeting rather than in a useful, let’s approach this together, way. Just a “S doesn’t respect you”… “I’m telling you this to help you.”

how would that help anyone? (S doesn’t respect anyone apart from director)

I just mean, gps shouldn’t have to deal with people because of shitty managers.

I’m in a similar ish situation to you OP and you have my sympathy, it’s rubbish! However, I have suffered MH issues in the past and I know where this can lead, so am determined to not let this progress.

GP really tried to persuade me to be signed off but similar to you this would really impact my future prospects. I am doing my best to get through it, whilst waiting for a CBT referral and trying to leave. Like you, my confidence is affected and it’s making it difficult to be confident with my applications.

Please don’t think you are wasting anyone’s time. This is very serious, you already say it’s only your DC keeping up here at times. Please make yourself a priority.

I have a longish notice period and have already decided that if this gets any worse then I will hand in my notice and hope to be able to secure something else (also need the money) or will get signed off. I know my MH is clouding my judgement on this and I suspect yours is too.

Take care of yourself OP.

Thank you @justasyouare I’m so angry because it shouldn’t have Come to this. I’ve gone from a dynamic, respected colleague to an emotional wreck. 6 months in I’ve tried to challenge behaviours along the way. Will record future teams calls from now on.

You are right to be angry! But prioritise yourself and do whatever you need to feel better, even if that’s taking a slight hit on your career. In the long run it will be more than worth it.

Thank you @justasyouare i took a sleep tablet last night but the lowest dose and that was enough. Slept well and felt a lot better this morning. Today has been good… I’ve heard back properly about the job I didn’t get - over qualified and they want me to apply for a more senior role that is coming up next month. Will still need to apply and interview but knowing they want me is a big boost. They felt I’d be bored and had so much experience I’d be wasted in the other role. Fine but I’m still stuck in my shitty place for now.

How’s your job hunt going @justasyouare hope you had a good day xx

@TeenLifeMum I’m so glad you’ve had a more positive day. Sleep can make all the difference can’t it!
I’ve been told I’m over qualified for a couple of roles, it’s so annoying when all you want to do is get out of where you are!
We are coming up to the busiest days of the year for us so the pressure is pretty immense right now so I’m trying really hard to control the anxiety and relax where possible. I had a better sleep last night but have still woken up too early, thinking about the day ahead.
I’ve been put forward for another interesting role, but at the same time been told that one I applied for I didn’t even make it to interview! So ups and downs here!
Thank you for asking and I hope you have a calm and positive day.