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Mental health

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Husbands Mum

2 replies

TheMorningBird · 26/03/2023 09:20

My husband and his mum are not close. He doesn’t visit and she doesn’t visit us. She’s shown little interest in our children. This is the same with all four of MIL grown up children.

Over the ten years we’ve been together I’ve tried to get him to visit his mum more but he’s not interested. He tells me she only ever calls when she wants something. Which is true, I suppose. Over the past 6 months she’s called him multiple times at work and told him that she needs him to “fix the washing machine, pull flooring up, paint walls etc” stating other siblings have done things and now it’s his turn. (Husband has an office job) This is an example of what there relationship is like. Whenever she calls him she tells him to do something.

Husband told me he’s had enough of being told what to do, he’s not doing it. However, this is really affecting his mood as he feels guilty. MIL has history of mental health and has tried to harm herself in the past. I should also add I’m pregnant with 3rd child due in 6 weeks and I could do without this. I don’t know what to do!

OP posts:
CuriouslyDifferent · 26/03/2023 13:02

its good he has identified it, sometimes the issues created by family don’t become apparent because of the distance - but reveal themselves in other symptoms - such as generally being upset or depressed for no obvious reason.

however, he may need counseling; creating and keeping the distance he wants from a parent is tough - and guilt is easily adopted by those who are trying to create boundaries etc. my own process for similar took about 2 years, and only as part of it, did i realise the extent of their behaviours as not being normal. Bear in mind - we all think our families are normal’ish, because we never get to grow up in other families. It’s surprising the things families do which aren’t normal.

I have no easy answers I’m afraid, be supportive, is aall I can say.

TheMorningBird · 26/03/2023 18:04

@CuriouslyDifferent thank you for your reply I’ll approach this delicately.

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