Can anyone help me calm my thoughts?

[Daisypod]

Sorry if this is the wrong place but I wasn't sure where else to post. I am having a really bad day, feeling very anxious, teary, feeling sick to my stomach all because I can't remember if I did something or not.
I went away for the weekend to my mums holiday flat for the weekend, I had the balcony door open on the last day and ever since coming home last night I'm worried that I didn't shut it. I'm sure I did but can't clearly remember. I was going to drive back today, a 7 hour round trip and I'd have to take my toddler but dh has rung a friend who lives nearby and he's going to drive past at lunch to check it.
I still feel I should go.
I don't know why I've got myself so worked up about this, I haven't felt this anxious and wound up for years. I can't tell me mum, as a child/teenager/young adult I was always fucking up and I feel like I'm right back there. I just keep going back and forth between thinking I must have closed it to what if I didn't?
What can I do to stop this? I hardly slept last. Ichthyosaurs and my heart rate has been over 80 all morning.

It sounds like you're on the verge of a panic attack, which is easily done when we are in a situation like you're describing.
We start to breathe more shallowly, taking in little short breaths that increase the feeling of anxiety throughout our body.
First steps would be breathe. Deep gentle breaths into your tummy and back out. In through your nose for a count of 2, back out through your mouth for a count of 4. Keep that going as long as you need to.
Gradually your heart rate will lower, your body will be less tense and you'll be able to think a little more clearly.
Logically we know if you did get in your car and take the journey, you wouldn't be there before the person is going to check. So there is nothing you can do any quicker either way.
You are not that younger girl any more, you are an adult with a young child of your own. You may or may not have left the door open but you haven't intentionally done anything wrong.
You have someone going to check so let them check and go from there.
It will be ok. Worst case scenario, your mum gets annoyed. That isn't your fault. You are not responsible for anyone else's responses.
It will be alright.

Remind yourself that someone is checking on it.

Even if you did leave it open, tell yourself that it's OK. Would you berate a friend if they accidentally left a door open? Give yourself the kindness you'd show a friend.

Have you ever thought that as a teen, you weren't really a fuck up, but had an overly critical parent who made you feel that way?

You won't get there any faster than the person who is going to check for you.

When I have a bad bout of anxiety I distract myself by focussing on my surroundings. At home I note what noises I can hear (you'd be surprised at what you normally tune out!). Outside of the house I count how many white cars drive past or how many people are wearing blue tops. If I'm still not feeling better I switch to a different colour or at home, find a word search or something else easy but distracting.

Please just stop and breathe. Download headspace.com app and do a breathing exercise now. This is within your control and the problem is being solved as you speak. The overthinking is coming from your childhood feelings of messing up and fear over your DM's reaction. You are not that child anymore, you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I'm sure your DM has done it herself before. It doesn't really matter if she doesn't find out. The problem is being solved. You are carrying a lot of shame from the past, you could get help with this from a counsellor. Just mentally hand the problem over, someone is dealing with it, you don't need to feel unwell over it. Let it go. Be busy doing boring, mundane tasks that will make you feel better and expend your energy.

Thank you all for you kind words. I'm concentrating on breathing and focusing my mind on other things whilst snuggling up on the sofa eating chocolate with the toddler, probably not the best example but it's keeping me calmer.
L just worry that if friend gets there and it is open I will still have to drive there! Also my brain will let let me relax and will then think what if it closed by itself and isn't properly closed but he can't see that. I know that's unlikely though as I had propped the door open.

If it is open then you can drive there, shut it and come home.

It was quite windy yesterday so you'd probably have noticed if it was still open as the front door would have blown shut when you were leaving. Thats what happens in my house when I leave a window open.

Wait until he comes reports back and then make a decision based on the information you have to hand.

The amount of times I've thought 'Oh no I didn't do X' when I was on a plane and couldn't get home for a week...when I got home I found out I had actually done X and all was well doesn't bear thinking about.

Thank you everyone, it was closed! Also due to how things were on the balcony it was obvious it hadn't just closed in the wind it must have been done on purpose.
I'm starting to feel a lot better now. The tips really helped

Get into meditation is really good,

Also any creative Arts 🎨 is beneficial for emotional health

So happy it turned out well.

Take this as a lesson to be more kind and forgiving towards yourself.