A few years ago, I had a serious mental health breakdown. I was under the home treatment team and spent a short time in hospital. My dh was amazing. He supported me and the dc and I couldn't have got through without him.
After I recovered, every time I had a bad day, I could see the stress it caused him. He used to watch me like a hawk for signs that this was more than me feeling a bit sad or a bit anxious. I can understand this but it used to make me feel anxious too.
We talked it through and he could see that I'd taken many steps to keep me from the place and that every little 'blip' wasn't a full blown mh crisis. In the last few years, I've been able to talk him if I feel bad, without him wanting to immediately reach for the crisis team number. He's stopped watching me so closely.
Fast forward to this week and I needed a gynae operation which has involved lots of rest and I won't be able to drive/lift etc for a few weeks.
I feel sore, vulnerable, weak and out of control. I've been a bit weepy and I know I've been needy. Anxiety has crept in.
Dh is panic stricken. I can see it in his eyes. He's trying not to be but it's like it's taken us right back to that time. We're in a vicious circle. I feel vulnerable and a bit anxious, I want dh about, he sees me feeling like this and he feels/looks stressed, I feel it from him and it makes me more anxious, he then worries more.
The lying on the sofa and sleeping a lot brings back such awful memories. I worry about him because he's running around doing everything and that he'll make himself ill (this was my main anxiety when I was very ill) I know he's thinking back to that terrible time and so am I.
I feel like we were both traumatised by what happened to us and we haven't really dealt with it.
We had a good talk last night and both acknowledged how we're feeling and we know this is temporary but we have to find a better way to handle it.
I'm thinking of suggesting counselling for both of us.