Has anyone had a breakdown? What was it like and how did you recover?

[anonymous98]

I think I'm having what used to be called a 'nervous breakdown.' I can't go to work, am afraid to leave home (agoraphobic) and am obsessively worried about my health.

What's triggered your current feelings?

Lots of things, spanning over about a year.

I had a health scare where I got diagnosed with a (mild) neurological condition but had to be checked for a brain tumour beforehand. I've always been a hypochondriac anyway but that really amplified my pre-existing neurosis.

Both of my parents are ill. My mum is partially disabled and my father, whom I haven't really seen for years, got diagnosed with cancer last year.

Postgraduate stress, money worries, lack of close friendships and relationships. I've sort of been chugging along despite struggling for years, however, in the last 6 months something has shifted and I'm not coping.

That's a lot on your plate. Could you try breaking it down on an objective, rather than subjective, basis?

For example; you don't have a brain tumour (that's fact - you've been checked). Your father's cancer - is it one that's easily treatable? If you haven't "really seen (him) for years" what impact will this have on your life? How does your mother cope with her disability?

How was your childhood? Were your parents positive or negative in their outlook/world views? We absorb a lot of information between the ages of 4-10 without the ability to question its truth rationally but that's the key period of making assumptions about who we are - these are called core beliefs.

Have a look at this guide, it might help you better understand yourself;

www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance

I suppose I have had a breakdown or something similar, I have never referred to it like that. I also was paralysed at home for a while so I guess that is what is was. I needed therapy, I took some medication, and recovery out of it had been slow, hard and humbling and quite a lot about my core beliefs and how they brought me to who I am today. Good luck OP. There is a part of me that will be eternally grateful for my wake up call as I was living under huge amounts of pressure before. It is a hard and lonely process tho.

Get some help you don't need to feel like this anymore.
Everyone suffers but events, especially close together can push you right up the scale.

Go to the GP, take meds and ask for CBT (or go private therapy) it really will help in the long run and you will get your life back

Routine massively helped with mine, and constantly telling myself that if I couldn't do something, it was okay.
I spent around 6 months more or less in bed. Never left the house. Wouldn't answer the door or the phone. Barely showered, didn't brush my teeth, didn't care.
I can't really say what changed, I think it was a mixture of therapy, meds, an understanding OH and moving house (left a known violent area).
But I can tell you that you can get better. I go out at least every week, see friends, go to the cinema, enjoy cooking and baking again and hopefully soon I can go back to work full time.
Take care, and be gentle with yourself 💐

I had a breakdown 5 years ago. I spent several weeks in bed unable to get out feeling suicidal. I tried anti depressants but felt worse so stopped. I was prescribed Valium on a short term basis which helped me get out of bed. I had CBT counselling and did a mindfulness course on NHS. I took up yoga, meditation and walking. I gave up caffeine, improved my diet and had hypnotherapy. It took a while but gradually things improved. It's an ongoing process I still work on my mental health no to ensure it doesn't drop again.

Yes. For several months. Physically and emotionally unwell my brain. And body and immune system shut down. I have never had this before. Don't fight it. Sleep. Do whatever you need to do to look after yourself as if you were an unwell child. And you'll recover.

Yes I think so. For a while - a couple of months maybe - in my twenties when I was under enormous pressure from everyone to do and be what they all wanted and not what I wanted, I started to wake in the early hours crying. I would have been crying - sobbing - in my sleep and it would wake me up and I wouldn't be able to stop for about half an hour. I felt teary all day too. The only way I can describe it is as if my head was full of tears. I lost a stone in weight too. I went to the doctor but he wouldn't help - this was 35 years ago.

It passed after a few months. The crying has never happened again, but I can now recognise when people are pressuring me and I try to protect myself.

Thank you, this has given me hope. I'm so glad you got better! This past week I've just been lying in bed most of the time. I can drag myself to the gym (I live very nearby) and sometimes do some temp work but I feel pretty hopeless otherwise.

I'm on a barrage of meds but am waiting for therapy. I see a private therapist sporadically but she's so expensive and I can't afford it.

Sorry, last message was in reply to @Runningoncoffeealone

I am always under so much pressure so I wonder if this has done it. I'm living with my mum because I'm not working full-time which is not helping. She is lovely but so exhausting and has numerous problems. I've been a student/employee/carer since I was 18 and it's drained me.

The issue you you don't really realise you are having a 'nervous breakdown' until you are well on your way to recovery and can reflect on the events and situations leading up to your worst period. Recovery is slow but I made it

Thanks. Truth be told, if my dad died it would be awful ofc but I've never had a good relationship with him. He has prostate cancer - I'm a little confused about staging but it's 'in lymph nodes' which I gather isn't great. He is currently in remission however. I know they can do a lot for prostate cancer and it's not an immediate death sentence even if it's incurable.

My parents, bless them, were not great. My mum is severely depressed and anxious, has suffered numerous breakdowns (including ECT at times) and was basically bullied by my dad even after their divorce. My dad is also anxious (a massive hypochondriac, like me), highly strung, and unreasonable. I spent loads of time protecting my mum from my dad, even as a toddler. My grandparents also died when I was little and I was very involved with this (was told about my grandad's terminal diagnosis aged 5). I've always been really scared of dying even as a kid. I was really privileged in many ways but not really shielded from anything. I'm not naturally outgoing, didn't really get on with other kids (I might have undiagnosed ASD but because I'm female, I can mask it pretty well) and I've always struggled with maintaining friendships and relationships. I think I learnt pretty early on that there was something 'wrong' with me if that makes sense.

I think I learnt pretty early on that there was something 'wrong' with me if that makes sense

It does, except it's incorrect. The only thing that's 'wrong' about you is that you had the misfortune of being born to two very dysfunctional people, who, I bet, both also had less than perfect childhoods.

Philip Larkin says it best;

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself."

No child is born with hypochondria, or low self esteem or anxiety or phobias. We have two inherent fears - being dropped and loud noises. Thats it. Anything else we learn along the way and anything your mind can learn, it can unlearn.

Therapy would help you enormously. Remedial hypnosis could straighten out your subconscious mind within a month (but I would say that!).

If you suspect you have ASD then I'd be thinking it could be ASD burnout rather than a nervous breakdown. Not sure how exactly they differ but maybe worth having a look at.

This is not true, anxiety is certainly genetic - you clearly see it run through families. Suffering from phobias also has a genetic link. Genes even play a role in self esteem. The idea that these things are entirely nurture just isn't true. We might only be born with two specific fears but other that that we are not just an empty vessel waiting to be formed by our experiences. We are more, or less, susceptible to all manner of things based on our genes.

@Choconut

If you mum, dad or grandparents are anxious, phobic or suffering from low self esteem is it nature (genes) or nurture than predisposes you to have the same issues? Are you doomed to live an unhappy life or can you do something about it?

@RoseThornside This such a wonderful description: “The only way I can describe it is as if my head was full of tears.” Yes, this makes so much sense.

Hugs … that must have been awful and so very lonely 💕

Thank you @Shitfather and @RicchT, yes, not a nice time, but you learn about yourself as you go through life I guess, and can try to head things off /remove yourself before they take you down that route again.

One way to work with this is to take sick leave (a few weeks), start therapy, look after yourself, get your eating/sleeping/exercise into a reasonable shape, and go back once you feel stable.

I going through a similar situation and just wondered how you are all doing ?

Yes, when I was early 20s, 20 years ago. I completely lost the plot, went out drinking every night, slept all day, had suicidal ideation and truly thought that everyone would be better off if I died. I cried all the time and generally felt terrible about myself. I had hellish nightmares every night and an acute sense of doom and like I was living in a nightmare. I had therapy and went on anti depressants but the only real thing that helped was coming away from certain circumstances and starting again.

You sound emotionally drained and shattered from all of the weight and responsibility in your life, as well as all of those anxious patterns that have run through your family. I'm thinking of you and wishing you every happiness.

Yes. I had a complete breakdown in 2021 when my marriage disintegrated. I cried for hours every day. Took months off work. I appeared normal in public most of the time but after the school run would just take myself back to bed and cry. I got really forgetful and numb. I had really bad insomnia and was prescribed zoplicone but it made me feel drowsy and out of it the next day and I would wander around forgetting what I was doing. If I didn't take it I would be awake for hours with racing thoughts and would call the Samaritans, sometimes multiple times in one night. I would wake every morning and just feel sadness and rage. I had detailed fantasies about not being here any more.

I'm not out of the woods yet. I've been back at work for a year but things are still difficult with ex who is not honest, kind or respectful. A particularly insensitive incident can just plunge me right back into feeling devastated and hopeless. Last week I had take time off for the school holidays and I took myself to bed for a couple of hours to hide my crying from the kids. It took me a day or two to function normally again. The periods of feeling normal in between feeling sad and broken are getting longer though. I'm hoping I'll recover fully when my divorce is final.