Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

mooncup and narcissistic mother

33 replies

JustCri · 10/03/2023 10:04

I am writing to get a broader feedback on something that happened to me a long time ago...
The current context is that I am once again having no contact with my mother, while analysing her past behaviour in light of more and more information being available about narcissism and narcissistic mothers specifically.
I am an adult woman with a son. I am saying this as being a mother has given me even more insight into how dysfunctional some of the stuff that happened to me really was...
Either way...I was 18/19 at the time and back home from uni for the weekend...I was having difficulties inserting my mooncup and my mum offered to help me.
How wrong do you think this is? Was it just motherly love, or completely bonkers?
I obviously refused the help at the time and i can only see it as a complete lack of boundaries...

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 10/03/2023 22:21

If I offer something to someone or they offer to me then a 'no thanks' is all that is needed

It does not have to be some drawn out 'boundary' issue

bitingthedust · 10/03/2023 22:23

My mum would offer to insert meds the French way when I was in agony. I didn't think anything of it other then her being prepared to help me to any extent.

MisschiefMaker · 10/03/2023 23:05

I think it's weird sorry

Maartje2023 · 14/03/2023 19:39

I don’t think the mooncup thing was weird, but I too have a narcissist mother and I’m also no contact so I just want to send support to you about that as I know how hard it is.

Original poster

JustCri · 15/03/2023 01:51

Thank you

OP posts:

neighboursmustliveon · 15/03/2023 02:46

I would but this down to motherly love. If my daughter needed me then I would do this for her - I've had a could of friends who have had their mums retrieve a lost tampon and at uni my friend lost a condom up there after a 1 night stand and had her mum fish it out.

mathanxiety · 15/03/2023 03:00

I would never, ever offer to help insert another woman's tampon. The mere thought of it makes me shudder.

I would get into my car and drive to wherever I could find a packet of pads for sale, day or night, instead.

mathanxiety · 15/03/2023 03:14

The thing about saying if your daughter asked you, you would - what sort of relationship is it when an adult daughter asks a mother for this sort of help?

I honestly believe once you're able to wipe yourself after using the loo, any offers of intimate assistance are out of place, with the exception of a child having diarrhea in bed and being covered in poo. For a teenage or adult son or daughter to ask, I think the relationship would need to have problems in the area of very basic boundaries.

Does the fact that it's a daughter in question here make a difference? Would a mother go ahead and offer to inspect her son's genitals for some issue he mentioned? I don't think there should be any difference between how you'd deal with a son and a daughter- help in some other way or send them for professional help.

Flip

1 2