Use Power of Attorney to get mental health help for DM?

[MamaMittens]

Sorry this may get a bit long, and I hope its in the right place.

DM has been struggling for years (10+) with depression, anxiety (I'm increasingly thinking maybe bipolar). To cope with this, a husband with his own ongoing health issues who has been ground down by living with this, plus a business that's very full on and haemorrhaging staff, she drinks. I've got no siblings and live 250 miles away.

She did a stint in rehab approx 7 years ago. When she came out she said it was the best thing she'd ever done. Now she says it was like prison and she'd never go again.

However, for the last 6+ months she's been on a downward spiral, pushing self destruct button, drinking, passing out, being vile to everyone. She's often ok in the morning, but gets less and less lucid and rational during the day. I assume in direct proportion to the amount of alcohol.

Unfortunately its a licensed business so there's usually a mug of something that isn't tea going on when she's there. Despite being more hindrance than help there she will not leave it alone, and they live 100yds away from the business so keeping her out is almost impossible.

She's seeing a therapist weekly after a near breakdown in October but things have got so bad over the last 10 days there's talk about rehab again. I think this is a good thing, if only to get her away from the stress of being at home (imagined or otherwise - unhelpful DH, lack of staff in the business, mortgage coming to end of term, interest rates, an expected inheritance hasn't yet materialised etc).

Because of her previous experience she is adamant she's not going to rehab again. Can I use my Power of Attorney (the health one, her DH also has this) to make her go residential/make the GP do anything/call in a mental health crisis team/help in any way?

I spoke to all these people in October (before the PoA came through) and they were largely unhelpful - seems unless you're a danger to yourself or others the NHS has no capacity in her area. She has talked about jumping off a cliff, does that qualify?

Any helpful words much appreciated, thank you for reading. Please be kind.

I don't think POA would kick in no. She hasn't lost capacity, she's choosing to act like this.

The individual has to want to sort themselves out and get back on track by beating their addiction. She's clearly not at that point yet. However hard it is to do, you are best off keeping well out of it.

Maybe the family section of AA (alAnon I think it's called) might be helpful for you. It's so difficult watching them self destruct but nothing we do can save them, they have to save themselves. So I think you need to leave her to get on with it with no interventions, let her DH leave if he wants to, business collapse due to no staff and let the penny drop with her that she's the problem.

Can I use my Power of Attorney (the health one, her DH also has this) to make her go residential/make the GP do anything/call in a mental health crisis team/help in any way?

Of course you can't make her go anywhere.

You can call the metal health team and let them know your concerns but it's unlikely to achieve anything if she's not a danger.

Can you persuade her to sell the business?

That might be the least-worst scenario here as it would take some of the stress off …..

Even if this was possible, how would it work in practice, how would she engage with MH services if she wont engage.

If she needs sectioning (and it sounds as if she wouldnt meet the criteria) that doesnt need you to have POA, it would need doctors to be concerned enough to section her.

Sounds an awful situation OP

I have a friend who is currently attempting to drink herself to death. She has been hospitalised several times for alcoholism but each time goes home and begins again. She says she wants to die and is on palliative care now. Unfortunately she is allowed to do so

No rehab won't take her unless she wants intervention. Unless you are prepared to pay but even then I don't think you could admit her against her will.

Thanks @CrotchetyQuaver Even if the addiction is secondary to the mental health issues? Which various MH professionals have (allegedly) said. I don't know who or what to believe any more.

It's especially hard watching the self destruction as my dad did the same.

Feels awful but I'm keeping it at arms length as much as possible.

The business has been up for sale for over a year, nobody wants it, which I think is contributing to the stress of it all. Thank you for taking the time to comment @wildseas x

so sorry to hear this @TheClash2023 , its awful, even from a distance. 😢

Intervention won’t work even if you used POA.

DM wants to drink. No one can decide for her that she doesn’t.

Depression and anxiety usually do go with it, doesn’t make a difference.

Use your positive energy to call ACAA (Adult children of alcoholics) and learn how to manage - ho ho - her presence in your life. Most importantly, recognise that change can only come from her.

Oh that’s really hard 💐

So if she is a danger to herself or others mental health professionals could section her and assess her for 72hrs, at which point they could section her again and provide alcohol addiction / other mh treatment.

You may find it easier than you imagine to prove that she is a danger to herself if she is passing out / threats to kill herself etc but I would probably downplay the alcohol and focus on the mental health if you say that they feel the alcohol is a coping mechanism.