I am so so down :(

[hidingundertheduvet]

Sorry for the namechange. I don't know where to start. I am 24 weeks pregnant and incredibly depressed. I haven't been to work for a week (first because ds was sick and then because I am too scared to go back ) Scared of what? I don't know. I have an inherent fear of being fired and having to find another job (even though I am with a great company and can start mat leave in 5 weeks) and I am incredibly self conscious about being pregnant at work. I really don't like the attention it is bringing, all the more so because it wasn't planned and I'm still not sure I am doing the right thing My dp isn't supportive, we don't live together and so far it is me who has bought all the baby things, which has added financial worries into it - I don't want to have to cope on my own like I did with ds (he is 3.7 and have been together with dp for 3 years) Even though I am a responsible adult with a good job etc, I am still terrified to tell my parents about this pregnancy because of how they reacted last time - I am 26! With ds they didnt speak to me for the whole pregnancy and even though logically I know they probably won't do that again I am terrified of their reaction (they live far away so haven't seen me obviously pregnant) The longer it goes on the worse it will be to tell them. As for work, my anxiety is such that I want to start maternity leave as soon as possible but am again worreid about the financial implications of doing so. It has got to the stage where I am even thinking about adoption, which is making me feel even worse. I don't know if I can cope with 2 dcs and if I even want to, and I feel terrible for feeling that way

darling - poor you.
Can you confide in anyone at work? Maybe start mat leave early?
Why isn't dp more supportive? Have you talked to him?

I really don't have much time right now but just wanted to come over to say hello and show you some support
Love to you and hope you feel a bit better soon
x

I'm really sorry you are going through this. Please go to your GP, they offer counselling and support (either through GP or specialist counsellor or Midwife). You are coping with so much on your own (I've BTDT) and hormones have a way with emotions as well.
The GP may sign you off sick for a couple of weeks, which should at least give you full pay, then you may find it easier to go back for a few weeks before mat leave.
Really hope you feel better soon,

Thank you. An appointmenr with GP might be a good idea, I am seeing him this week to talk about my SPD so will try and bring it up then. I have thought of gettign signed off, but my company will only offer ssp for that time so have to weigh up the benefits of it against the financial loss. The silly thing is I know I would probably be ok if i went back to work, as it is I am sat here at home with nothing to distract me.

I know exactly how you feel, I have been off since Christmas, and am scared of going back too, and I think you are right the fear is far worse than the reality.
DH took me to see Welfare last week, and I asked him to take me into my office, mainly so that they could see I wasn't faking and also to face the fear, which I did and it was fine, and I feel more positive now about when I go back.

Why don't you take a deep breath and try, I know its like a huge mountain to climb, and you will be fine. I'm fed up with being at home and nothing to do too!!!

I think the fact that you are scared to tell your parents that you are pregnant tells me a little about your relationship with them. Sometimes we underestimate the negative impact that our parents can have in evey aspect of our lives. Talking from my experience, when I dealt with my mother (!!), other problems in my life seemed to clear up by themselves, or at least became easier to mange.
Even if you don't think the thread is quite for you, try to have a look through this and you may find it quite helpful.
I hope the pregnancy goes well- be good to yourself.