Hi everyone,
This is my first time posting on here. Please be kind.
I'm struggling to cope with my childhood trauma. My parents had separated when I was 1 year old. I had lived with my mother until I was 3 years old. The court had ordered that I was to live with my dad. I have 4 older half siblings and I am the only one with a different dad. My brothers were sexually abused by my mother's brother. At the age of 3 I was Introduced to my dad's new partner who had a son of her own, since that day I had to call her 'mum'. I was always the one that would get punished and left out. When my father would leave for work, the abuse started by my step mother, it would start off with name calling, and being smacked, it then escalated over the years to being pinched, finger nails being dug into my arms, being spat at, being dragged by the hair upstairs, kicked, she would rub food on the carpet that had dog hair on and I had to eat it. She would lock me in the downstairs toilet for the full day and let me out before my father came home, few years after that was going on and as I got older, she would tell my father that I had been very naughty and disrespectful, my dad would then become very aggressive towards me and she would stand behind him smiling, when I was around 11 years old, the abuse got worse, I would have ironing boards thrown at me, beaten with a hardback slipper 20 times in the same place, whilst lent over a chair with jeans on. I plucked up the courage to phone childline but they wouldn't believe, so I took it upon myself to not return home from school, my father called the police and I had told the school everything. The police had taken me back to the house and I was whispered to by my dad to say I had to tell them I made everything up. From that day, it was hell! I wanted to die. The when I started my first period, the step mother would always make me take my underwear off so she could check if I had been having sex, this would happen everyday apart from when I had my period. This went on until I was 14. It got to a point where I didn't want to live there anymore and I wanted to live with my real mum, so I phoned her and she came and got me. Since moving to my mother's, my dad would tell me daily that I broke his heart. He knew about the abuse from his partner. When I was 14 I developed an eating disorder and I was always told I was fat like my mum. Anyway to cut a long story short, my father passed away 2 years ago and now my real mother doesn't speak to me because I am not at her beck and call. I'm struggling to deal with everything and I'm so sorry for the long post.
I just needed to get this out.
X