I'm not coping with the dds and I need someone to talk to

[pastypirate]

Dd2 has aggressive ibs which is now affecting her mh she's so sad this week and we have had non stop crying days. We have a consultant and 5 different meds and all that jazz but it's awful and painful for her.

Dd1 developed trichotillomania about 18 months ago. She can go months without an attack but when dd2 relapses so does she. I couldn't see the pattern but I can now. If dd2 issues clash with her period she will rip her hair out. She was so upset tonight trying to confess she's pulled - bloody great chunks of hair out. Half her hair is missing anyway it's so thin and it looks like she has a dinky undercut cos she pulled so much behind one ear.

My job is so stressful I work long hours I know I can't do this anymore. I've arranged a transfer to a less busy service I've got a few weeks left but I think I'm cracking up already I can't do this anymore I don't know how to help dd1.

We have had a camhs assessment they think she needs intensive cbt and wing give it to her until we try family therapy which has an 18 month waiting list.

I'm so exhausted I look like skeletor I cry at the slightest thing every day now.

That sounds so hard op.

I don’t really have any words of advice sorry, didn’t want to read and run.

Pretty sure there will be lots of advice on the way xxx

I'm so sorry, that sounds really difficult.

The only advice I can give is regarding IBS. Has she tried an exclusion diet? So cutting things out and keeping a diary? I'd start with gluten and dairy.

Have you spoken to your gp about anxiety meds for your other dd? I know they're reluctant to prescribe antidepressants for under 18s, but in my experience they will if they're older teens and really need them. Sertraline can be a help with anxiety, my dd was prescribed them at 16 and they did help.

I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but always here to listen. You sound like a great mum.

She's only 13 I don't know if I would agree to meds. Most of the time she's the most stable mood wide out of all of us and is very resilient apart from with dd2. It's so silly they squabble and dd1 can be really mean but once dd2 starts wobbling dd1 changes and she nurses her.

Dd2,screams in pain and vomits her meds up sometimes it's horrific. Dd2 has been dodging meds lately probably why she's flared.

We have to record everything she eats every yomf we think there's a pattern it changes.

She's had blood tests for inflammatory markers and we are avoiding fodmaps

Can you get signed off for a few weeks? You sound completely burned out from the stress of it. A senior colleague at my work had six weeks off when her daughter was ill with mental health issues and no one thought anything of it apart from hoping the girl improved, which she did.

I second the suggestion about meds, plus could you try to access some CBT privately? There’s even workbooks I think she can try if she’s engaged with the idea.

(also know you are asking about DD1 but a relative with IBS is actually on fluoxetine - Prozac - for that, I don’t know the ins and outs but maybe it does make dealing with the symptoms easier).

best of luck, it sounds like you are doing really well in difficult circumstances and are a lovely caring mum

Look at hypnotherapy for your dd with IBS. The NHS recognises it's one of the best treatments for soothing IBS.

I've had 2 cycles of time off work with stress in the last few years. It's that kind of job

So it seems if you can help dd2 with ibs, that would help dd1 too?

Doctors don't seem to recognise that cutting out gluten and dairy can help ibs (I was told to increase fibre which left me in excruciating pain!), but it has helped everyone I know with ibs. Also sweeteners and excessive sugar. Sorry if I'm advising the obvious, just trying to think what has helped myself and others I know.

I used to give dd Bachs rescue pastilles, maybe it was a placebo effect but it helped.

www.kooth.com

Not sure if they operate in your area OP - but could be helpful in accessing support for DD.