Hi op. I am sorry you are in such a dark place atm. It sounds really hard.
To answer your question, no I honestly don’t think you are doomed to be miserable forever. Life moves inexorably on and we change and grow and I hope this doesn’t sound too blunt, because it is meant kindly, but we gradually learn that we only have ourselves to rely on really when it comes to contentment and fulfilment.
And if we keep plugging away and don’t give up on ourselves, we become more adept at finding pockets of fulfilment every day. And we also become reconciled to the fact that none of us are perfect, we are all just stumbling along as best we can.
I am just an ordinary middle aged woman so I don’t pretend to have better insight than your therapists, but I do have young adult daughters and I have told them what I wish I had known in my twenties:
~ that happiness comes from within ourselves and we need to put ourselves first as no one else will (and we can serve others better when we put ourselves first too)
~ no one is going to come and rescue us and solve all of our problems
~ a lot of good mental health arises from taking care of our physical health, for example, eating a wide variety of fresh vegetables, getting out in to the fresh air every day among trees and plants, drinking water, exercising, sleeping well
~ a boundary is something related to ourselves and what we find acceptable, it isn’t about other people
~ working reasonably hard and consistently but not perfectly will reap rewards
~ don’t be a sheep
~ life is a marathon not a sprint and it’s ok to take your time in your twenties to find out who you are
~ it isn’t the bad things that happen to us that are most influential in our lives, but how we react to them
~ we feel better in ourselves when we are pursuing a project, helping others, being creative and noting things for which we have reason to be grateful every day.
What strikes me most about your op is that you have written very little about yourself and have written an awful lot about others:
~ the opinion of your therapists
~ what celebrities say about therapy
~ the opinion of your friends who are all apparently well paid and happy and in serious relationships.
Why are you giving so much weight to other people’s opinions and circumstances? You have even said that Mumsnetters are your last hope for comfort and advice; people on the internet who don’t know you. While we all need help and support from time to time op, and it’s good to reach out, imho you are giving too much power away by relying so much on the opinions of others and not trusting yourself.
So the question is: why do you not value your own opinion more? Why do you not place more importance on your own thoughts and instincts? Why is your self confidence so low and what can you do to build it up? Especially when it is evident from your op that you are highly intelligent, you write very eloquently and you already have good insight in to the things you need to work on.
The other thing that is apparent from your op is that your thinking is quite black and white, with no shades of grey in between and that is leading to you catastrophising.
Examples of black and white thinking:
~ all my friends are happy and successful
~ all of my colleagues are mean
~ only bad things happen to me.
You MUST know logically that the three statements above cannot be 100% true.
It may feel to you like all of your friends are happy and successful but it’s entirely possible, or even quite likely, that some of them may be having problems at work, or difficulties with their families, or within their relationships, or struggles with self doubt etc. Ask them if you don’t believe me!
And while I am sure some of your work colleagues are mean and unfriendly, I know from my own experience in life, that it is usually possible to click with one or two people in an office who are at least bearable.
You have obviously had bad things happen to you and I am so sorry that when you made such a brave leap of faith, the job change didn’t work out for you as you had hoped, but it doesn’t necessarily follow that the same thing will happen again.
You can learn from this experience op and apply for different jobs now. You can seek some career counselling and try again. Just because you found out that you were unsuitable for one job in your twenties, it doesn’t mean that that experience defines you forever more!
And you are not solely defined by career success anyway. And your relationship, or lack of one, doesn’t define you either. What defines you is your unique character.
Op - please breathe - it is ok to take time in your twenties to explore who you are and take a wrong turn here and there, both with your career and relationships. Not everyone develops at the same rate. Don’t compare yourself to others, just focus on yourself and keep plodding on.
We get most upset when our expectations are not met, so try not to have too many fixed ideas, allow yourself to be open to different possibilities. I bet my hat that this current job of yours, although unsuitable, will not have been a totally wasted experience, bc it will have given you clues as to which direction you should head in next.
Lastly op, this may be way off the mark, but one of my daughters is being assessed for asd atm, and a few things in your op strike me as being characteristic of women with asd (who present very differently to men) so that may be worth investigating too.
Wishing you all the very best. Please don’t give up on yourself!