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Mental health

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Original poster

Neighbour’s dog is making me anxious

20 replies

Starlight189 · 04/03/2023 07:37

Hello,

A quick introduction, my neighbours have got a Labrador that they’ve had since she was a puppy. When she was a puppy, she barked/whined for about 3 hours from 5am. This isn’t an exaggeration. The walls are very thin and it sounded like she was in the next room. Context, I live alone and we’re semi-detached so other neighbours are probably not impacted.

After a while, I built up the courage to chat with my neighbour who apologised and said they were training her and couldn’t give attention to the behaviour etc. I accepted this because she was a puppy.

A few months later, it was still happening and causing me a lot of anxiety. I find conflict really hard, but I was at the point of looking at moving house because of the noise - my nerves were frayed. I went and had another chat and explained how I felt. My neighbour was quite surprised I was complaining and very defensive. She said that she normally just puts in her headphones and goes back to sleep.

it did seem to get better, but fast forward a year and the barking is getting too much again. I am actually having EMDR therapy specifically about the dog barking to try and desensitise myself. The dog barks from about 6.45-7.15am most mornings. I assume because she wakes up and wants attention/a wee.

I’m reluctant to complain to the council because it would go on record and I also feel that I’d like to maintain a reasonable relationship with my neighbour. Do you think I should go and talk to her again? Am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

rookiemere · 04/03/2023 07:51

Stop blaming yourself.

Sounds like the dog needs a wee and/or gets anxious as soon as she gets up. However even if you talk to her I'm not sure what she can do other than take it out as soon as she is vertical. But you're not wrong to say something.

Original poster

Starlight189 · 04/03/2023 07:57

Thank you. I think I have been blaming myself and assuming I’m over sensitive to the noise. I’ll try and work up the courage to go and have another chat.

OP posts:

CiderJolly · 04/03/2023 07:59

Can you get the party wall sound proofed? Wear ear plugs?

Original poster

Starlight189 · 04/03/2023 08:04

I have looked into sound proofing options and because the noise is airborne, they are rather expensive. I have also tried different ear plug options and whilst they help for not being woken up by the noise, it’s still uncomfortable while I’m awake and eating breakfast/ watching the news etc.

OP posts:

picklemewalnuts · 04/03/2023 08:37

Turn your radio up to drown out the noise.

It's not your preference but it's a good solution

Also, while it's not your fault, the bit which is in your control is the best bit to act on. You can't change other people's behaviour, you can change what you do about it.
So teach yourself to feel differently about it. Chat to the dog- 'oh dear puppy, have you woken up already? I bet you need a wee! Are you feeling a bit lonely? Etc'
Turn on your music- classical to help you feel calm, or dance music to cheer you up and distract you.

Far better to be proactive about it than stew silently in your head feeling miserable.

Well done for seeking desensitisation and for speaking to her though. That's proactive!

picklemewalnuts · 04/03/2023 08:38

Oh and you could go for a walk.

You shouldn't have to, but sometimes it's easier to adjust your behaviour than get frustrated when someone else doesn't do what they should.

Poor puppy!

Galadriel90 · 04/03/2023 08:45

If you don't want to go down the council route then try to minimise the noise in your own home. Have you tried white noise?

Original poster

Starlight189 · 04/03/2023 09:03

Thanks for your replies. After 2 hours, I went and knocked on the door. My neighbour said that they are trying to train her by ignoring her because she is barking to demand food. She agreed that it was really annoying and said there’s not much else she can do.

Not stewing is good advice, I’ve decided to keep a diary of the noise for 2 weeks now and then will repeat this in 3 months time. If it hasn’t improved, I’ll send a polite letter to her and if there’s still no improvement after a while then I’ll contact the council.

OP posts:

Standbyguest · 04/03/2023 09:08

I would go down the council route, you've tried speaking to them and it shouldn't be up to you to move/have therapy because they can't control the dog.

DrEllie · 04/03/2023 09:18

I have a Lab puppy. If I was in a semi I wouldn't let him cry or bark. Your neighbour is being lazy. You may need to go down the council route. You've tried being amicable. I'm quite noise sensitive and I listen to rain sounds which I find incredibly helpful

TootsAtOwls · 04/03/2023 09:32

Their training isn't working, is it? If it's been going on this long. Why don't they just feed the dog earlier? Mine whines for a walk in the morning, I take him out, then when we're back he gets breakfast and sleeps for the next three hours. All dogs areas different obviously not it sounds like they need to change their routine!

MissMaple82 · 04/03/2023 09:37

Neighbour is a shit dog owner. Poor dog

CiderJolly · 04/03/2023 11:39

I don’t think the council will do anything for a bit of dog barking.

Ask neighbour about contributing to sound proofing? Or getting her side sound proofed maybe.

NoSquirrels · 04/03/2023 11:48

Do they have advice of a trainer? That’s what they need to do, not just ignore them as it’s clearly not working. Labradors are very trainable.

Original poster

Starlight189 · 04/03/2023 15:25

Thank you everyone. They have sought the advice of their vet, but whatever they are doing clearly isn’t working well. I did suggest a dog behaviour specialist this morning. Hopefully they’ll try a different solution and if not then it falls under statutory nuisance and so the council would get involved in theory.

OP posts:

EllaPaella · 04/03/2023 15:36

Goodness I have a Lab and she has a very loud bark, no way would I let her bark for half an hour every morning! I also find they are not generally barky dogs and only tend to bark when they really have something to say and need attention. It's very rare for my lab to bark. Your neighbour isn't training the dog properly and it is incredibly antisocial and inconsiderate especially as you have been round on several occasions now. I don't know what the solution is but you have my sympathies. They really do need to get some proper training for the dog, as a PP said labs are generally pretty easy to train if you do it properly and are consistent.

PandasAreUseless · 04/03/2023 16:03

You're not being oversensitive. For me, this would ruin my enjoyment of my home.
BUT feuds with neighbours are the worst, most stressful thing in the world and I'd put up with a LOT to avoid one.
Sorry OP. No advice, but I feel your pain.

Aurorabored · 04/03/2023 16:09

I couldn’t stand that either. Not because of the noise but because the dog is being neglected. It’s not crying/barking randomly during the day, it’s just asking for it’s needs to be met. Your idiot neighbour needs to look at food frequency and timing and toilet trips, not ignore the poor thing.

Aria20 · 04/03/2023 16:40

Yea that's not on. I have a dog and I'd never leave her barking like that for any length of time - 1. It's mean as the dog obviously wants to go out for toilet/be fed 2. It would drive me nuts listening to it and 3. I wouldn't want to disturb neighbours especially early in the morning.

The neighbour is lazy and not a good dog owner. If you want a dog you get up early and deal with it! My dog used to wake up at 5am every day when we first got her and it was exhausting but once she'd been out for toilet she'd go back to sleep until 6.30/7 when everyone else woke up.

You shouldn't have to put up with it. Are you in a position to consider moving? If so you don't want a neighbour dispute you have to declare. Sounds like you have been patient, polite and tolerant and the neighbour is taking advantage of you not wanting to make a complaint!

Original poster

Starlight189 · 04/03/2023 17:39

Thanks again everyone, it’s helpful to hear that it’s not me if that makes sense.

I heard my neighbour doing what I think was some desensitisation training this afternoon. Knocking on the door followed by a loud ‘no’ and clap when the dog barked. I’m grateful that they seem to have taken me going round today seriously and seem to be at least trying this time.

Not really in a position to move - I only moved here 18 months ago and financially I couldn’t do it at the moment.

Yes, really hoping it won’t come to council action because it would destroy any relationship I have with them and I would also need to report it if I did sell later on. I think if it comes to it I might just have to suck it up and deal with those consequences.

OP posts:

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