How to hold on?

[TeaBlanketBooks]

Really struggling to find any light at the end of this long dark tunnel. I’ve been wading through it for so long, I’m incredibly tired and can’t keep on. All feels futile. Had lots of mental health interventions over the years, and I’m still on the edge. A precipice. I’m wasting resources that can be better used on someone with a chance of recovery. Medications aren’t working, respite just delayed facing the reality, appointments- I’ve had so many. Crisis team discharging me on Friday. I’m supposed to be better by now, and I’m worse. So nothing will improve. Empty, tired and worthless.

What little thing would make a difference? Not life changing, but enough to make the road to normality worth striving for?

Also thinking of very simple, small things you can do that over time move you gradually forward. I was misdiagnosed over decades and eventually the right medication helped but alongside I use diazepam as and when, it helps me focus. Between times silly little things like uninstalling Facebook and Twitter did wonders, no longer comparing myself unfavourably to others, having oranges in the house, I find citrus smell of peel uplifting, a candle or 2, fairy lights in bedroom as I spend a LOT of time in bed when unwell, browsing nice stuff on Pinterest gives me the same enjoyment as reading a favourite magazine, a facial exfoliation or hair masque (that's a push as I can barely shower when unwell) changing bed, opening window and hearing outside world, Calm app, Headspace app, growing indoor spring bulbs. Ultimately if you don't feel you're getting the right help can you change GP and examine the root cause of your difficulty.

Can you not request to be kept on by the Crisis team? Is it depression or anxiety you have. Agree with previous poster is there one thing that you could aim to try and make you feel more positive? Self care and not to be hard on yourself.

Hi OP. I'm also in the tunnel with you. Like you I cant see the light atm.
Obviously it won't help you right now but I decided a while ago to keep a thought/feeling diary.
Now when I'm in the dark tunnel I can see from my diary that I've been here before and it did get better . Although right now still feeling pretty desolate. Sending hugs.

Sorry for not replying or answering your questions. Your replies were very kind and I am sorry other people also have experience of this dark struggle.
On Thursday I tried to kill myself. I couldn’t go through with it. I sat for two hours somewhere very high with the intention of jumping. Sat there trying to find courage. To do it, to not. To carry on, to not.
I’m still here. Not sure how I feel about it.
Crisis Team came again today and are asking their doctor about some new medication for me. I can’t see the point.