How do you know if it's in your body or in your head?

[CatMattress]

I've been ill with some non specific virus for the last couple of weeks. Feels very much like covid, but tests are negative. Tired, slight nausea/appetite loss, slightly achey chest and occasional cough, mild sore throat.

Meanwhile I have had about several hundred life stressors going on (both recent and historic) but this feels like the first time in a long time that I'm...safe? House move is over. Kids settled in their schools. Divorce over. Got my first longer term job in a place i want to stay working. DP and I secure in relationship etc...

Anyway. Have been assuming tiredness and tearfulness were just this stupid virus hanging on but boss intimated she was concerned about stress and DP outright said he thought stress/depression was a factor.

I've never had depression or a history of mental health issues, though I do have a lifetime of rubbish physical health. I was a bit caught off guard but have been thinking about it and I can't rule it out. Perhaps it's the first time I've felt secure enough to actually experience all the massive life changes I've been through over the last five years. (Two house and school moves. Cheating ex, covid, SEN child and everything that goes with that, divorce etc)

How do I know where one finishes and another starts? How do I know whether to rest or seek counselling? Take vitamins or get a massage? Get blood tests or go for a walk? It just feels like yet another thing to be stressed about and I just want to go to bed and have somebody tell me what to do to get better.

Am I actually sick, or just giving in to stress for the first time? Or both? What do I do?

Mind and body are inextricably linked. It could well be that now you are safe and secure the adrenalin and mental alertness that's kept it all together for so long are depleted and and it's now OK for both to acknowledge it. It is possible to take a week or two off and really rest? Even go away for a week in the sun on your own to let your batteries recharge?

I wish. Money, single/Co parenting SEN kids (things that would stop me going away) are some of the stressors. I would fucking kill for a week in the sun, but we couldn't make it work. Going to have a few days in the UK for my birthday (a big one) and my mum is babysitting.

I've already had a week off now. I have tried getting up and about a bit more today, but I am just so tired now. Going to try some water and food and see if that helps enough to go for a walk.

Waiting for work benefit counselling service to call me back.

It would be worth getting your bloods done to see if there are any underlying issues (thyroid, vitamin deficiency, etc). Most OTC vitamins are a waste of money.

Good shout. Wasn't able to get a GP appt today. Got private health through work, but not sure if I can get an MOT through that.might look into it.

Do. It's really important to get the fullest possible picture before deciding on your next step. In the meantime be gentle with yourself.

And I've been signed off for a bit, and have been in tears in and off since then and now awake at 4am for no good reason. So draw your own conclusions

Hi OP, another thing you could consider is that sometimes when you are in the thick of the fight, your adrenal system just keeps you ticking over and rocking on and on like the energizer bunny. Intellectually, you know you’re knackered, but you HAVE to keep going because there’s no alternative. Once you no longer need that adrenal response to hold you up, you actually start FEELING how pooped you are. Your immune system starts to crash, etc. This is why school teachers always get sick in the holidays, why flight attendants sleep like the dead on their days off - or become stressed-out insomniacs until they return to work. I’m a nutshell, your body has now realized that you are no longer in imminent danger and can let down it’s guard for a bit. (Maybe you would benefit from some immune boosting gut bacteria and some liposomal vitamin c for the time being as well…)

Agree with all the comments that this is quite likely your body's reaction to no longer being pumped with stress hormones.

I had something a bit similar after a big life improvement when I kept getting really emotional about things. Eventually I realised I'd been numbing myself in order to survive and now no longer needed to - hence "feeling" came rushing back in.

As a general thing when I'm wondering if symptoms are body or mind I ask myself if I'd be able to do something really nice if the opportunity arose and would I enjoy it. If I know the answer is honestly - yes - then i tend to think it's more mind than body. If I realise I couldn't get enthused by a date with George Clooney then it's likely the body.

Those are both really helpful posts, thank you. I'm trying to do things to help myself (booked a massage, bought some compost to do gardening) but I'm getting tired and overwhelmed really easily by very little things. The idea of going g to the shops for a wander sounds lovely, but in reality it was ...scary. I felt like a ghost. I think I need to be gentle to my body as well as my mind for a bit and give everything a chance to settle. Am sorting out some more structured help, too.

Thank you so much for the support.

Yesterday I barely ate. I only had dinner because I had a stonking headache and realised I couldn't really take painkillers with eating something. Plus I've been awake since 4 something for no good reason.

I have my first counselling session today. I keep crying at absolutely nothing. It's like PMT that won't stop. DP is being just lovely, but I'm driving myself batty. What am I stressed or depressed about? Everything in my life is probably the best and most stable is been for years.

There so much I want to do, but limited energy and I do wonder if I'm just distracting myself and I'd be better off ignoring the laundry and unpacking the final house move boxes (as irritating as they are, hanging over me) and just sitting quietly and thinking about things. I probably won't though. I'd probably just put tv on and doom scroll until school run time and then also feel bad is wasted the day. Perhaps they're something to be said about keeping busy physically and letting my mind wander a bit.

I feel so sick.

Can I ask how old you are? Has anything happened to kick this off? Is it possible that you are going through menopause? I know that I felt similarly to what you are describing. (Like there was an impending sense of doom and I couldn’t pinpoint the reason.)

As for the headaches, are you drinking enough water? I know that whenever I have felt like that, it is dehydration that gives me the headaches. You can drink tea (herbal/caffeinated, doesn’t matter) juices, lemon and honey, etc and follow them with a glass of water. Make that a little self-care ritual several times a day. Set an alarm on your phone and see if it helps. Given that you sound like you are describing some symptoms of anxiety or depression, please stay away from alcohol for the time being. I think a counsellor is an absolutely brilliant and responsible choice you have made for yourself. Just remember that if you don’t “click” after a few sessions, you can swap to another one. Different counselors have different approaches and some a better than others for different people. Most importantly, I am so very pleased for you that you have the support of a lovely husband. That really will make the world of difference in the long run, OP.

You sound really stressed. Could you try and reduce some stress in your lige and see how you feel then. Stress can impact your immune system. I jist had shingles and GP said about stress. But they are also testing some things like thyroid vitamin d, iron I think it was.

life

To get through the list of life issues you list above you had to 'keep going' and not fall apart for the sake of your DCs or work. So you probably constantly suppressed anger, disappointment, feelings of unfairness, sadness - now that you are relaxing and the stressors have reduced your brain and body is slowly unwinding and adapting to the new situation - start to put yourself first and foremost now, don't push through to 'keep everyone happy', only do what suits you and you and your body should calm down and get back onto an even keel.

I really recommend this book to help you work out what might help you. Don't worry about 'wasting' days- you don't need to be productive, you need to recover. But you're probably right that doomscrolling won't make you feel better!

I think going through a really stressful period leaves you open to physical illness, when I was getting divorced I had tonsillitis five times in 6 months, I had never had it in my life before or since, I think it's your body's way of telling you to rest.

Omg, what lovely messages. Thank you all.

I was supposed to have my first counselling session today but she cancelled due to ill health so I won't have my first session until next week. It knocked me a bit because I'd been psyching myself up to talk to her and then it fell through, but I went for a dog walk with a new potential friend I met at the weekend, had a phone call either an old friend, made a birthday cake for later this week (not mine) and cleaned the kitchen and all the bathrooms from top to bottom. I'm still vibrating with energy whilst also feeling tired.

My mum called and she was talking about my ex (about how he's being crap with maintenance) and I just got really upset. I didn't feel able to have anything but the more superficial conversation.

I'm drinking lots of water. It's just habit, and taking a multitude of vitamins - D, C, zinc, magnesium, B6 and 12 and L-lysine to try and ward off cold sores as I'm feeling run down.

I think I need to try and do some yoga, but it's hard, sometimes, to make those positive decisions for yourself. Easier to lose yourself in distractions.

And I'm late 30s, so perimenopause isn't completely unlikely but overwhelm is what I'm feeling more strongly than impending doom, except when I think of what I could lose.

I think stress is the right path then. (Reading between the lines it sounds like the logical response to your recent history. Much empathy.) Pity the counsellor was unwell. I hope that they’re not flaky. You need someone reliable. I think your mum is probably stressed too, and that conversation was the lemon juice in your emotional paper cut. Absolutely sensible to cry it out.

Perhaps ask DM not to talk about ex if it makes you stressed or unhappy. Unless talking about it is solving something. It does sound a bit as if she is passing her anger on to you.

Stayed up late crying on a very supportive DP. We decided on some 'homework' for today: write ex a letter telling him all the stuff that's bothering me (not necessarily to send), to write down in a journal all the thoughts that come into my head and ont worry about coherency, write poetry if any pops up (I have used poetry as a coping strategy all my life) and around all this writing to sort out my hobby stuff so I can actually do drawing/painting/sewing whatever without having to spend half the day hunting for the things I need. Also some yoga. I have got dressed in yoga gear so that eliminates one blocker to me doing it. Thank heavens for youtube classes, I couldn't face a bunch of people right now.

Using this thread for accountability. Really appreciate the support and feedback. It feels like a physical lump of pain in my chest and gut right now.

💪💪💪💪💪

Yeah, no. The cat and I are binge watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix.

Oh well. Baby steps.

Gilmore girls with a kitty sounds awesome actually!