I have a 3 yr old daughter, my husband and I have been together for 8 yrs. I went through awful awful post natal depression. not after I had her - that was bliss, but after one week of taking her home my MIL moved in with us as she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer (her partner wouldn't look after her but they're still together now - she is fully recovered) and my SIL moved in with a broken leg so I was stuck looking after 3 people. I took my MIL to her appointment's, looked after my SIL and worked part time after giving birth because we had to fund them living with us (I was planning to go back after a year but it ended up being after 3 months). I admit... I lost it, I admit that the pressure of this crushed me. I stopped eating from stress and I couldn't get out of bed. I ended up hospitalised after my daughter's 1st bday having to have a feeding tube because I was so underweight. 2 years on I am still so disconnected because me and my daughter never had a chance to bond in the beginning. My MIL made me lose chances with her because she made it out like she was going to die so the pressure was there for her granddaughter to spend time with her. I'll admit I am suicidal and have been for a while. My husband has been wonderful picking up the slack with everything, I am still useless and cannot get out of bed most days from guilt and sadness and loss of hope. What makes this worse is my daughter HATES me. at every chance I take to bond with her, be close with her she says she doesn't want me - she recently learnt what dying is off bluey and she said I wish you would go away and die so its just me and daddy. I wish you would die mummy.
I get it I really do, I hate myself too. I'm so depressed and im not asking for advice I just need somewhere to write this I guess. I don't think I can go on any longer.