PTSD therapist

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I am currently having therapy for PTSD from being in ICU.
I have most of the typical symptoms but some other weird ones too. I startle easily and swear ‘f@&k off’ every time I’m startled and I’m mortified. It would be the very last thing I would ever say normally.
My therapist said today that I should try not being startled and say something else when I’m startled or bite my tongue. He also said that he hasn’t seen me startled whilst in therapy-that was my 3rd session.
I would obviously love to not be startled and love even more not swear out loud. I don’t know how to stop.
The therapist hasn’t said how to stop doing these things, except to practise startling myself-although I’m not sure that’s possible. I’m desperate to get better for not only my sake but my dc’s too.
Has anyone ever experienced this? Or have any idea on how to get better from PTSD? I’m having EMDR therapy.

I’m not an expert at all but just wanted to say that I feel for you. From the little bit of reading I’ve done it looks like trying to calm yourself generally through breathing exercises and/or cutting down on stimulants can help.

I have PTSD. When I'm startled I lose my temper and snap instantly, I come across like a really awful person sometimes 🙁. Unfortunately my wife takes the brunt of this. Thank god she is used to it now and very understanding.
So far I haven't found a way to not snap when startled. But I have became very good at realising why I've been startled, understanding quite quickly that it's my PTSD, I am safe, and it's not the other person's fault. So I may snap, but within minutes/seconds I am apologising and saying "I'm sorry it's not you it's me, I got a shock I didn't mean to say that". Followed by "I have PTSD" if its someone who is unfamiliar with my diagnosis.
I have found the majority of people are completely understanding!
I wouldn't worry too much about the swearing. Just work on "being in the moment".. Acknowledge the shock, but then remind yourself you are safe, you are safe, you are safe over and over again. Don't be angry with yourself.
Startled = panic and anger - guilt - shame - hatred.. This is an awful cycle we will repeat over and over again within ourselves. We need to break it.
Startled = panic and anger - swear word - forgiveness and reassuring! This is what you need to work towards first x

I’m a bit perturbed by your therapist’s advice, to be honest. Reactions like yours are involuntary. Working with the startle response and the reaction in EMDR processing would be appropriate because you can process through any attached memories or partial memories from being in ICU (you may not have conscious recall of lots of things if you were sedated). Is the therapist qualified in another form of psychotherapy as well, a CBT therapist or psychologist? It can make a difference in terms of approach. The suggestions sound maybe more CBT-orientated to me.

Thank you for responding. My therapist has only recently been trained in EMDR and said he will also use CBT.
It certainly feels like my being startled is involuntarily as well as swearing the same words each time.
He told me to try not to be startled for a day. Sometime I can go for quite a while and not be startled-it depends if anything has startled me.
I think he either doesn’t understand being startled or doesn’t believe me. Both are not helping me & I’m desperate.

I work as a clinical psychologist. Being set a task of trying not to be startled, or making active attempts to startle yourself, sounds totally inappropriate, and out of step with any evidence-based trauma protocol. Being asked to attempt these things only three sessions in is even more concerning. It is unsurprising that you are not sure about how to go about this, and I'm very sorry to hear that you have been asked to try this, as I can imagine it must feel very uncomfortable and potentially distressing. I would urge you to check out the therapist's credentials and experience in working with trauma/PTSD, and their supervision arrangements, especially if they have only recently completed EMDR training. Nothing you have described sounds in keeping with EMDR therapy, as it should be delivered.

I would be finding a different therapist. He’s literally doing the opposite of emdr by telling you to stop being startled.

You wouldn't be needing help from him if you can just "try to not be startled" or simply avoid how you react when startled.

It's impossible to startle yourself because for one, being startled starts with the element of surprise/unexpected. How are you meant to dissociate from yourself to not realise what's about to happen when you know it will? Weird.

Your therapist doesn't sound suitable. I hope you can find a better one to support you.

Hmm startling is not necessarily in your control. Grounding techniques can help post startle. It might be that he’s not the right fit for you

I've been out of clinical practice for years but your therapist sounds hopeless and I'd be lookng to find another one. Treating simple PTSD is relatively straight forward and shouldn't take too long. EMDR is usually very effective but I'm guessing maybe not in the hands of your therapist.