Rollercoaster of emotions.

[Spinning12335]

Lots to deal with at the moment. Have friends though they also have a lot on. No family support at all. Scaring myself because I feel like there's the practical me who just gets on, trying to be pro active, booking swimming/ seeing friends/ playing with the kids etc. Then there's the completely overwhelmed/ panicked me who is terrified of what is happening in my life, so much guilt and self hatred. Real lows. I try to ignore it and keep busy but when the kids are in bed it just hits me out of nowhere. Sometimes when they are awake the last few days too.

I desperately want to avoid tablets ( childhood ruined by parent with addictions). I'm trying to catch it with exercise and mindfulness etc but it's so hard this time.

Any tips?

Sorry you are suffering, OP.

i resisted tablets for years and got to the stage where i had no choice, l was so unstable mood-wise and whilst i functioned day to day, i was very withdrawn and isolating myself.

it's not as awful as you think and i feel the benefits were definitely measurable and noticeable.

It doesn't cure things, you still have to work at things but it did help me going on to medication for a few years.

I came off them and noticed I've seriously deteriorated and am waiting for an appointment to discuss options with the CMHT.

i'd say evaluate your situation and your coping limits further - then look at medication with an open mind.

I have exceeded my coping limits I think but there is no back up or anyone else. I've talked myself back down again now......

What I want and need is for someone to hold me whilst I just have a bit of a breakdown because I'm too scared to do it when I'm on my own in case I can't stop. I just want someone to tell me it will all be ok and look after me but that's not going to happen lol. I just need to ride the lows I think and trust they will happen less but they are scary :-(

as basic and glib as it sounds, do you have physical and mental energy to keep yourself busy while you are feeling this low?

I got severe General anxiety disorder and moderate to severe depression diagnosed by CMHT a few years ago and I find occupying myself with something or physically moving around or going for a walk really helps. Even if i just march on the spot in my living room at home, it helps and i love watching my step count increase😊

has your GP referred you to NHS therapy or are you coping alone?

Exercise and keeping busy is my coping mechanism yes- it works mostly ( well usually) And I know I have to or the kids are screwed. So can't hide in a corner crying or run away leaving someone else to deal with the mess which is what I feel like doing.

The overwhelming lows are not something I've experienced before and they scare me a bit. I'm running myself into the ground on adrenaline trying not to stop. Not eating or sleeping well enough and I look like shit lol. I feel very fragile.

GP is a long wait for an appointment and longer for therapy. Looking into private therapy.