I hate myself

[Carddeclined]

I hate myself
I hate myself i hate myself
I wish i was dead. I wish i was dead. Nobody can help me. Nobody can help anyone and im.useless and rubbish.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Is there anyone you can talk to?

But you posted? So maybe one of us CAN help?
Would you like to talk?

@Carddeclined talk to us. We are here and will listen and help if we can.
Please talk, we are here for you ❤️

That's not true. None of that is true. I don't know what's bothering you or what's caused the pain you're in so I can't offer you advice based on that. But I can say this.

You are unique and beautiful. Just like everyone else and like the whole world around you. The atoms that make you who you are, your own biological makeup is like a song that will only be sung the once. You fit here, with all the other melodies. And none of it is perfect- it can be chaotic and confusing, but your life and your song is beautiful and YOURS. There is a whole slice of time in this universe that belongs to you. You have so much fun left to have with it and so many more memories to create.

I feel you. Crashing and burning hurts but when you get to a point that you’ve given up on hope…it’s a horrible place to be.

When you feel this way though you’re not being logical, try to remember that. There is always hope, there is always someone who can help and also it’s not forever, this is a tiny fraction Within your whole entire life.
This too shall pass, hang on. X

OP, please take yourself off to A&E right now.

They will help to start to make you feel much better. Life doesn’t have to be that way and you will not feel like that forever if you seek help.

And keep posting here in the meantime if you want to offload!

It is possible to turn this around, you can feel better, I promise you can because I have been there, You can learn to love yourself.

That’s beautiful @NoFux

Also, don’t be afraid of antidepressants. They’re not just for the depressed. Your gp can, and will help you.

Hi there @Carddeclined.

We're really sorry to hear you're feeling so low at the moment. There are lots of people here happy to chat and we know that you, yourself, have been hugely helpful and supportive of others on the boards in your time here, so you're definitely not useless or rubbish at all, even if that's not how it feels tonight.

We thought we'd post our link to our Mental Health Webguide in case you wanted to give someone a call for some support. We'd also suggest you reach out for help in real life. Mumsnetters are great at offering advice but there's nothing like someone to hold your hand and offer you real life support, whether that's a friend, a partner or a GP.

We really hope you feel better soon. We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic where there are lots more Mumsnetters who've been where you are now. Please do pop back and let us know how you're doing.

hello OP,

I hope you are ok. Please know that despite what you think, you DO have value and worth. Things will get better and hope you will feel a bit better than you did earlier this afternoon.

What treatment have you accessed and do you think you could get a medication review?

xx

Sorry to be dramatic. I have ADs I just cant cope with life and adulting. Its embarrassing. I posted as an outlet as I was spiralling. I know I have PMS. Teens do not get on at all. Single parent. Work fulltime. Im just tired and poor and treading water. I have no family. Failed as a parent too. Kids are as useless as me. I had nothing good to pass onto them except bad MH. I am too well for any extra help.

Thank for the messages. They did help x

It is really shit sometimes OP. It is hard and exhausting but that isn't a reflection on you. Teens are tough work, it is in their nature to argue, they want to be adults and independent and think they don't need boundaries but their brains aren't finished developing yet. Being a single parent and holding down a full time job is incredible. Making ends meet at the moment is like plaiting fog. You are amazing even if you don't feel it.

Please don't feel like their isn't support out there. I once got turned down for counselling because I wasn't sad enough! But I found another local service who would help and it was the right fit. Keep reaching out.

@VerityUnreasonble
I don't know if there is anything out there. I have had CBT and know the principles. My PMT can get a bit wild and I will have rages and impulses. Today I am thinking of selling the car. Other times I am fine and high functioning. Everything is very muddled up.

I'm not armchair diagnosing but have you considered PMDD? Might be worth a chat with the GP about it (also getting some bloods done if you haven't for a while, vit D / B being low can contribute to feeling extra shit).

I don't know what's local to you but maybe google, here we have our NHS IAPT service that do lots of CBT but also a really lovely women's center that offer lots of person centered counselling and a womens wellbeing meet up group that just do coffee or walks together - they get the hormonal stuff! There are also some more practical support services "social prescribing" that look at the wider picture of wellbeing. Local council websites have often got directories of support on them.

Honestly though, it just sounds like you are juggling a lot and it is really tough. It won't be like this forever though.

I don’t think you’re being dramatic. I think you needed to post for support.

PMS - are you peri menopausal? It can worsen significantly if you are (I’m in my late 30s and it’s been bad for a couple of years for me). If so, talk to your GP. HRT may help.

Teens - I have four and some experience in this area 🙄 of course they don’t get on. They probably drive each other mad just by existing. That’s not your parenting - that’s teenagers! As for feeling like they’re useless and you’ve failed them - my 4 have been parented exactly the same. One still ended up lazy and self absorbed. It’s them, not you, and you have to remember that their brains are not fully developed and they will become much nicer and more empathetic people in a few years!

I have no family here either and that sucks - do you have friends for support? If not you can get support here.

as for not qualifying for extra help - I don’t agree. It sounds like you either need to increase your medication or look at something extra - your GP can help with that. Give them a call and tell them how you’re feeling - it can’t hurt.

And working full time with teens IS exhausting so no wonder you’re struggling! Plenty of us are in the same boat.

You aren’t failing. You just have a lot on. Please do speak to your GP though as you really don’t have to feel this way!!

I don't have any energy for any of this. I have been to the GP before. They can't do anything. I'm on ADs and will tell me to exercise. I can't do any of the activities as I am working and don't want to take time off that will mean I am working till later. I am just not cut out for any of this. I cannot cope with any of it. I don't want my childten anymore.

Please know that it’s your mental health that is causing you to feel this way not because you are useless ♥️

Nothing helpful to say I'm afraid just that I'm in the midst of a depressive episode also so your not the only one. Haven't left the house for 10 days and I totally get the total lack of energy for anything. Sending hugs. X

Sorry @Ilovedogs1 - im not judging you. Perhaps your body and mind needed rest.

Last time I got referred from GP it took nearly a year. To community MH assessment. By that time I had bounced up so was pointless. I would not have met any criteria for needing help. The cycle keeps continuing. Tonight I have looked up things about suicide. I feel too tired to parent. I cannot concentrate on a book. Everything is sending me spiralling. Every small thing. I just cannot cope with day to day life. I want it to end..