Feel so guilty for feeling low

[pamelat]

Hello all

I have a beautiful healthy 3 week old daughter.

I have always been a rather "emotional" person and was amazed to not get the baby blues on day 3/4. In fact, emotionally I sailed through the first week with her.

Since about day 10, I have become tearful BUT I don't think I am depressed. We had a bad night with her last night, I am breast feeding and she would not settle/stop feeding until 5am (normally she is every 2 hours)

I think I am just over tired, struggling to adjust (our first child) and just a bit fraught.

I am finding breast feeding incredibly hard emotionally, in terms of how it restricts what I can do (not comfortable feeding publically). I only ever have an hour's window before I need to be back home feeding her, it feels like its never going to end (I know that a lot will change, and that in 3 or 4 weeks things will have settled but for now I cant see past now).

I have a wonderfully supportive husband so wh y do I feel so low (tearful, resenting having a child (rather than her directly) and wondering whether I have made a huge mistake, BUT still loving her). As you can see, I am confused - I feel like I dont even know what I feel. One minute I feel desperately low and the next (especially after hubbie talking to me) I wonder if I imagined it all and nothing seems so bad anymore.

My over riding feeling is one of guilt for not being happy, I feel like being a mum has not come naturally to me. I feel a bond with her but I think I am too selfish, I am considering introducing formula feeds (she has one a day at the moment) more and more, just so that I can get out and about - but how selfish does that make me ... ?! I wanted to breastfeed for at least 3 months, she is a very hungry sucky baby, she doesnt have latching on problems (although i do now have milk blisters)

I think that the feeding makes me anxious? Always anxious about when the next feed will be and whether I can get back in time before she cries, I hate to hear her cry.

Will she pick up on this?

x

All you are feeling is normal.

You have just had a baby! That is a big deal with a huge responsibility. I used to be a nanny for years but when I had my first child it knocked me for six.

Practice feeding in front of a mirror so you can see what is shown when you are latching her on and you can use muslins to cover up. I used to look down when getting the baby latched on so didn't see if anyone was looking so they wouldn't bother me. When you do decide to feed in public choose somewhere you feel comfortable and do not allow yourself to be told to move or feed in the toilets.

Pamelat

Firstly, congratulations the birth of your dd.

As NAB says, all these feelings are completely normal. Your first baby is such a shock, nothing can prepare for the reality of being a parent.

Have you tried sleeping/napping during the daytime when the baby is asleep, and let the house work go, accept offers of help for cooking/shopping and just go with the flow.

The night will sort themselves out, the first few weeks are very hard going but I promise you will not last forever.

Take care

Just take one day at a time- I know that sounds trite, but forget about the future, just concentrate on getting through 1 day. And honestly, before you know it you'll realise that she's suddenly sleeping better at night and feed spacings are longer. It happens almost overnight.
Just think-another week and you'll be the mother of a 1 MONTH OLD, not a newborn.
I think sleep is the main issue- when we're tired, other things like breastfeeding in public seem overwhelming but if we get some sleep they become manageable again. Can your DH just take her in the morning while you have a lie in?
I remember the feeling of anxiety of wondering when she was going to start crying again, and hating the noise. But it honestly changes so fast.

Where do you live, pamelet? Just roughly in case you don't want to say but someone can be a Mnetter friend.

Hi I live near derby in east midlands

feel bit silly as feel better today despite a second very bad night. She gets upset/windy in the evenings but last night wanted holding/feeding from midnight until 8am! i got 2 hours sleep and a further 2 this afternoon.

however despite the lack of sleep i really think we bonded well, it was the first time that my hubbie lost his patience (only in so far as going in the spare room and leaving me to it, instead of offering to walk/drive her)and i feel i came to my own. i resigned myself to no sleep and just sat/cuddled it out with her.

However cant do that every night as wont be able to function in the day. She showing signs of same grouchiness now, been breast feeding her for last hour but she quite fractious, pulling off/on, flailing arms etc - not at all like her day time feeds where she fallsto sleep. not sure why she gets so upset at night, other than wind?

thank you to all of you, like i say i now feel bit silly but had geniunely felt very low, now just feel very tired