Please help, feel in complete crisis and don’t know what to do

[BuzzKilllington]

I am utterly convinced I have made a mistake at work yesterday and I’m going to lose my job. If I lose my job I won’t be able to pay the mortgage and we’ll lose our home.

This is a regular pattern in my life and I don’t feel able to cope with it. I always convince myself I’ve made a catastrophic error and I’m going to lose my job, my marriage, my kids etc.

My GP thinks I have OCD and I probably do but I’m on a huge waiting list for CBT and it’s just getting worse. I spend days (like today) in a blind panic unable to think about anything other than the mistake I’ve made. And it doesn’t help to say all the other times it turned out fine because I’m convinced this time is different. I honestly just feel like I can’t breathe.

How can I manage this? How can I get through the day? When it’s this bad I feel suicidal, I don’t want to live this way.

Tell us about the mistake you think you have made. Start there.

What mistake is it?
Retrace over your day

Ask yourself if I made this mistake then...

1. where was I?
2. when did I think I made the mistake?
3. did I realise such mistake straight after or is this only once the working day was done?
4. what was I wearing?
5. is this mistake easy to make therefore explainable to your employer or did you go out of your way to make the mistake ( which you didn't)
6. how could i have made this mistake?
7. why would I make this mistake?
8. if there is a mistake then how can I rectify it?

Remember any mistake in work if you have which I doubt you have made but any mistake is exactly that a mistake and can be explained

It must be really hard for you.

I was put on antidepressants when I was really badly depressed. That passed but I have stayed on them as they help my anxiety.

I have done CBT and I remember getting a book with it. Perhaps you can get hold of the book while you are waiting for CBT?

Can you afford any private sessions in the meantime? Perhaps look online at articles about anxiety and OCD and see if anything helps or clicks for you. Have you tried journaling? Sometimes getting it out of your head onto paper helps.

I can really relate. I always feel like I have done something wrong. Sometimes I have actually done something wrong but then I catastrophise and make it out worse than it was. I obsessively ruminate about it and have to google to put the thought to rest for a little (e.g. stories of people who made a similar mistake). I get really strong physical symptoms (e.g. nausea, can't breathe, tingling in my fingers) and can't focus on anything at all other than "the mistake". Also on a very long waiting list.

I have tried meditation, distracting myself with crafts etc, the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, muscle relaxation... None helped, some made it worse. The only thing that has helped me get relief from the physical symptoms is a sort of accupressure therapy called tapping therapy. It sounds like a bunch of woo-woo but it really works for me.

PP have also mentioned private therapy. To add, there are some places that offer means-tested private therapy if you can't afford the full fee. You can also get help through Mind. I was put on one of their courses to help deal with anxiety (it hasn't start yet though, so can't say if it's any good).

Hi.
I have OCD and it sounds like OCD to me.
Have you had these thoughts and doubts over other things before ?
I'm in a really bad way atm with mine that I'm on diazepam for the anxiety. Like you I end up catastrophizing about my life going up in smoke. Not much help tbh but your not on your own.

Is there someone you can talk to at work (talk through what you think is the mistake and how to fix it).

Go get some fresh air.

Agree ring mind and self refer, ring gp can you get any medication until CBT ?

When home give your kids a big hug, read them a story.

You are not alone

Can I ask (because I think mine is), could it be hormone related?

I really don’t want to say what the mistake is, I don’t want this to be at all outing.

I think this goes far deeper than that though because this morning I feel so overwhelmed I feel like I can’t breathe. I need to speak to my GP but the hours between now and actually getting a call back seem completely unmanageable.

I spoke to Samaritans last night and while it took my mind off it for a short time everything came back to me and I just can’t manage this constant narrative in my head that everything is about to fall apart because of something I’ve done.

The mistake isn't the issue. Everyone makes mistakes. It's not going to help going over it on here.

Can posters stop asking about it, please?

The most important thing is how you're feeling at the moment. This is a mental health emergency and you need to see your GP this morning. Tell the receptionist that you are thinking of hurting yourself and need to see a doctor today.

There should be an emergency mental health team in your area and you can find their number online. Don't bother with 111; their online service is useless and upsetting.

This isn't about what you've done or not done; it's about how you're feeling right now. Lots of us have been in that situation. There are professionals who understand.

Be kind to yourself x

I also have OCD, I read a really good book recently as it was becoming unmanageable. It's called - Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts: A CBT-Based Guide to Getting Over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts

It is on Amazon for £9.99 and what a difference it has made to my life along with fluxotine and propanol.

@Redebs Thank you so much. I am planning to call as soon as they open.

@judesxmumx i’ll look that book up now

Ok so you don't want to share the mistake, fair enough. Most work things can be fixed (assuming not a surgeon etc)

The bar for sacking someone is quite high in reality.

I've made a few (not passed on urgent messages from our bank to the MD etc).

Awkward, maybe verbal warning, but not sacked.

Otherwise none of us would keep jobs down.

Good luck calling the GP this morning OP. Hope you get your call back really soon. 💐

I really feel for you and I’m so sorry you’re in crisis. Agree as above you need an urgent appointment today.

My daughter has severe OCD and the constant intrusive thoughts and “what ifs” are absolutely exhausting and so distressing.

OCD Action and OCD UK both have good information and support available.

Please speak to your GP about medication and extra support whilst you wait for therapy.

Wishing you all the best.