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Mental health

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Struggling to cope

2 replies

alpinejane · 20/02/2023 07:16

I'm 49 and struggling to cope. I have an 11 year old daughter with dyslexia and challenging behaviour who I am supporting with a combination of firm hand/sense of humour/sympathy. I am separated from her dad, it's supposed to be a 50:50 split but he is the most ineffective man you could meet and struggles with our daughter, gets angry (usually with me), tells me I'm not doing enough, tells me I'm a useless mother and is incapable of saying sorry or admitting his own mistakes. He hasn't worked for 25 years due to a lack of life skills (time keeping, organisational skills, promises things he never delivers).

I run a small business, I have 4 staff and its successful. I've always earned all the money in the family and waited until my husband got his state pension 2 years ago before leaving him although I still support him financially.
My beloved dad died 6 weeks before the first lockdown. The lockdowns were hell, homeschooling (my husband wouldn't help), running a business and still reeling from the death of my dad. My 84 year old mum now lives round the corner to me, she's recently been in hospital with serious heart issues and I keep an eye on her.
I'm lucky that my business allows me a lot of flexibility. My staff are good and I don't work full time (although I am always available to support my staff when they need it), so I have time to do my caring jobs.
My brother lives an hour away, him and his wife both have full time professional jobs and 3 young children so no time to help with my mum.
I have my own health issues. In September 2021 I had a severe bout of Covid, nearly died with breathing issues. Had 2 months off work and am only just getting back to full health. I'm an extremely fit person, climb mountains and volunteer for the Mountain Rescue in my limited free time.
To top it all I'm going through the menopause. Night sweats and severe depression. I'm on hrt and antidepressants, things have improved, I'm no longer contemplating suicide.
I am struggling to cope though. I try to live healthily - sleep, good food, exercise, not too much alcohol. I have a few good friends who I talk to but I'm terrified of being a burden and losing them. I feel like this will go on forever, in the short term there is no chance of improvement. I keep telling myself to keep going but it's so hard and some days I have just had enough, but there is no way out.

OP posts:
Keepingthingsinteresting · 20/02/2023 07:46

I didn’t want to read and run OP. It sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate- can you carve out any time, however small, to do something that makes you feel better (not volunteering, that’s great but I suspect is emptying rather than filling your cup)?
i would look to disengage from your ex. Look up grey rock, and tell your brother he needs to help.

Eyesopenwideawake · 20/02/2023 08:19

You owe your ex nothing - not even the steam off your shit! Why are you supporting him? I know you have to keep some contact because of your daughter but this needs to be kept to an absolute minimum; no conversation that doesn't relate to her needs, nada. You did the right thing by leaving him, now you just need to take that last step.

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