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Mental health

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Original poster

Therapy making things worse?

9 replies

Lostwifehelp · 17/02/2023 10:34

Hi my husband has been suffering from depression and had a few therapy sessions which seemed to have made things worse. I’ve asked him to re-start therapy but he thinks it’s unhelpful as the therapist prods at things and he felt she was trying to create issues that aren’t even there? Does this happen? I know therapy can sometimes make things worse before they get better but I’m wondering whether he needs to try a different therapist?

OP posts:

Alargeoneplease89 · 17/02/2023 13:28

People have different reactions to handling issues. I was offered CBT but declined because though I was in a bad place I know talking about it makes me worse. Over time I rationalised my issues and feel in a much better place.

Maybe try a different therapist and if that doesn't help hopefully your DH can self help, it's hard to make suggestions as everyone handles things differently but I'm sure more experienced people will give you better answers.

MissWings · 17/02/2023 13:31

I wouldn’t want to open my can of worms tbh.

PermanentTemporary · 17/02/2023 13:32

I do think talking therapy isn't for everyone, but good therapy can be quite challenging. Has he considered trying a different therapist?

Would there be something else that might help instead? My late dh did get great good for a while out of a weekly social ride with a cycling club. Fresh air, exercise and unpressured socialising without focusing on the problem did him some good.

Likewise there's a couple of centres locally which focus on forms of recovery and reintegration based on creative activity and collective responsibility. That kind of thing might be useful?

henrilechat · 17/02/2023 16:17

A good therapist would have started by trying to provide some strategies to help, some ideas for self soothing and talked though how to cope if it's too hard. If he's feeling significantly worse after only three sessions, that doesn't seem like a good sign. Are they seeing them through the NHS or privately? If private, I would definitely look at finding someone else or at least explaining that it's not helping to the current therapist.
Has he checked on the qualifications and training of the therapist?

Bard6817 · 17/02/2023 16:27

Depends if he is ready to face issues…

when i faced mine, albeit, i only went because of my gf at the time saying, I should try. I was a complete mess and she was trying to help.

I walked out of my first session…. Lighter and my eyes opened.

but I think had it been a few years beforehand, I wouldnt have been ready, wouldn’t have been able to face some harsh questions I was asked about me and my family.

Original poster

Lostwifehelp · 17/02/2023 16:32

@Alargeoneplease89 He just wants to talk to me but he won’t accept anything I say and instead it just makes me feel like I’m sinking into a bad place. I don’t know if he can help himself.

@PermanentTemporary He’s dealing with some complex issues which really need sorting out.

@henrilechat Interesting. That makes sense. I don’t think any strategies were discussed. He’s seeing the therapist privately and she seems pretty well qualified.

@Bard6817 I don’t know if he’s ready but I also don’t think I can cope for much longer.

OP posts:

Lavender14 · 17/02/2023 16:34

I've been for counselling in the past and I would say you need to be prepared to feel a little worse sometimes before it gets better. It's because you're bringing things to the front of your mind that you've maybe been avoiding. I found I started having horribly graphic dreams and was quite emotional but I think the key is finding a counsellor who you trust and connect with so you're less afraid to go there with them. So I tried a few before I found someone I really liked and she was great. I still wouldn't say I had any major 'breakthroughs' until actually a few months after I'd finished them one day some things randomly just clicked into place for me. So I wouldn't go expecting it to make things better straight away, no.

Bard6817 · 17/02/2023 16:37

Any chance you can get yourself some space from it.

I honestly don’t know how my poor partner put up with me.

PurpleBrocadePeacock · 17/02/2023 16:59

Hmmm, I kind of understand your husbands reluctance to talk. I am not sure if my therapy journey is relevant here but:

age 7 -8- I get signed up for therapy due to events in the family. I refuse to go.

age - 18-21 I really could have used therapy but had no one to point me in that direction/not enough self-knowledge/confidence to get me there myself

age 39 - more shit happens (covid, lots of family deaths). I decide it is finally time to talk. Find myself a therapist and am genuinely surprised that she starts asking questions about family history and probing around events from when I was 7-8 which I had resolutely spend 30+ years not talking about.

learned silence is one thing what makes it hard. some weeks after a session I was very preoccupied.

but it’s not fair for your partner to offload on you all the time either. Sometimes they say the stronger/healthier partner finds it easier to reach out first. You can always get support for your self if your partner is unable to and it becomes to much for you. You need to find a way to put boundaries in place so that you are not brought down with him too.

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