Made the wrong life decision

[hanrhdjendjd]

I have made ,what I believe, to be a wrong life decision.

We relocated to a village from a city 1 hour away and I feel so isolated amongst other things. The school is clicky and my daughter is finding it hard to fit in and make friends . It upsets me so much as we had a lovely group of friends from our old nursery in the city.

We can't move back right now due to expense and because my daughter is due to start reception in September - I don't want to run the risk of moving and she doesn't get a place in a good school because my application would be considered late - I don't even know what the schools are like back home anyway.

Please help reassure me that I'm not a terrible mum and I haven't completed failed in my job as a mother my relocating

Ps - she just turned 3 when we moved and she's 4 next week. So many people say that at this age they won't remember stuff but she remembers everything !!!
We stay in touch with old friends and she tells me sometimes how she misses her old house and her old nursery. She told me a while ago she felt lonely here. It breaks my heart . I didn't think she would remember

She won’t remember long term. She remembers right now, because it’s recent, but in a few years she won’t. I promise you that. I moved when I was her age and though I have vague memories of the house and the nursery class and my mother told me I was upset moving, I don’t remember being upset. Not even a little bit.
you haven’t ruined anything, if she hasn’t even started full time school yet you have time to relocate if you really want to, I’d say give it a year, see how reception does for her and then decide. You can always make enquiries at schools back where you used to be about school places.

@TheOriginalEmu
Thank you so much for commenting

The guilt I feel is just so intense right now and I can't change our lives back to how they were before so I just have to go with what we have at the moment.
I wish moving wasn't so expensive and I wish that it was so much easier to correct a relocation mistake and I could kick myself now for not thinking it through properly

You don’t have anything to feel guilty for. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but who’s to say If you’d stayed put something else would have happened that made you unhappy there and you’d be kicking yourself at having missed out the opportunity to try a new place. It’s still early days of a new area, where people can be a bit cliquey. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Try and find friends outside of school maybe. Clubs etc.

It takes time, especially if the village is small. I would try to immerse myself in any local clubs etc. Go out, mingle as best you can.
Perhaps speak to the nursery to say that your little one is finding it hard.

It will get better and she won’t remember any of this long term.

Remember it’s you who feels sad and doesn’t like the move/location your daughter is non the wiser.

Why not make plans to return home in September?

You could line up a job and accommodation in that time and hand in notice on your current property

At 3 I agree with the pp about not remembering much, also it can be as much about adapting to being away from mum at that age, as much as anything.

I think say if she was older and joining a new class were set friendships were made amongst older children that would perhaps be different but as it is she will be joining reception together with others and often that is a godd time to meet other parents and have little play dates etc.

Give it time

She won't remember in a couple of years time. When I think of the crap I put myself through in those years that they now have no recollection of. I spent THREE days a peppa pig world....I mean what was I thinking. They don't remember a second of it.

It will be easier for her to make friends in reception. There will be more children, many of whom will also be new .

Its also easy to meet other parents at school picks ups/pta/helping out with stuff.....there is definitely a set of cliquey parents who I swerve, but there are lots of other normal mums too....

If you'd stayed where you were in the city, you might feel you'd made a wrong decision about now with worries about the standard of the school or whether the city is a good environment for them. Its done now, it will be OK

It's early days and agree with others there will be new kids (and parents) joining in reception, so plenty of opportunities for new friendships. Friendships don't even settle down until year Yr2/3 anyway.

As for you, I'd suggest trying to integrate as much as possible with local groups, even church, PTA?

We moved our kids school. Youngest was in reception and it was in pandemic so we didn't even get proper goodbyes. I felt so much guilt. But...it was the right decision overall and as time has passed it's clear that the kids are happy and settled, it just took time.

Try not to be too hard on yourself.